


I'll Stand By You

by karog



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mages, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rebellion, Rescue, Smut, and nothing makes sense, basically everything is different, includes art now!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-03-29 19:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3908605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karog/pseuds/karog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story about how reality may change your world view.<br/>Two couples, four people lost in the world full of chaos, trying to find their place, understand their role in the Maker's plan, their paths intertwining in the most unexpected way. </p><p>Starts after the battle with Meredith and goes on to the Inquisition. AU. Alternate timeline. EVERYTHING ALTERNATIVE.<br/>Now with ART! (chapter 13) :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TurboNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurboNerd/gifts).



> Special thanks go to TurboNerd for her awesome advice, support and beta reading <3

Marian Hawke was used to working hard. Endless battles she fought in her life taught her how important it was to be in good shape and she used to work out every day in order to keep her stamina at a decent level. But this time, it was different. 

Her lungs were burning and her heart was beating as fast as it was possible. Exhausted as she was, there was only one thought she was able to hear roaring loudly in her mind. _He lied to me._

"Quickly, in here!" Varric shouted and they all turned into an alley he pointed. If it wasn't for him, they would probably get lost or get caught by the rest of Templars who disobeyed Knight-Captain's orders. Their group was still followed as they could still hear heavy footsteps and angry shouting from behind them. 

"Where are we going?" Merrill panted, trying to keep up with the group. 

"Somewhere safe" Varric snapped, taking another turn. 

Anders was silent and it made her blood boil. After all the things they went through together his lies were something she found hard to believe in. Why would he do that? Didn't he trust her? It was painful to know he'd decided to keep it away from her. She started wondering whether she deserved this. Perhaps there was a time in their relationship in which she gave him a signal that it wouldn't be a good idea to trust her in such matters? Nothing came to her mind though, for she was always supporting mages with all her heart and Anders knew about it. How could he not know it? 

Her thoughts were interrupted abruptly when she saw familiar armored men approaching them quickly, their swords pointed at them and their angry faces filled with rage and hate. 

"Turn around, now!" Varric yelled. 

They were running endlessly, all of them exhausted and wishing for it to be over. 

"Varric!" she said loudly, turning towards her best friend "We need to get on a boat" she choked when she realized it was the only way they could be relatively safe. "I doubt we can find any safe place in Kirkwall anymore" 

And as she was saying the words, she felt bitterness in her heart. Her estate, all her belongings, everything she owned... her whole life in Kirkwall - gone. There would be no more evenings with her friends spent on drinking, playing and laughing carelessly. The times when she could be innocent and free were long gone, she knew it deep in her heart. From now on, everything would be different and all because of one man. One man to whom she decided to give her heart and although she was confident of her instant decision to stay with him no matter what, she couldn't help but feel furious with him. 

"That's where I can prove myself handy" Isabela spoke up with a playful smirk. "I can easily arrange a boat for us" 

"Let's go" Varric answered quickly and they were running again. 

When they finally reached the harbor, Isabela instructed them to wait for her and she went away towards a group of sailors standing by a small boat. 

"It is all your fault" Fenris finally said and Hawke could swear she never saw the elf so angry. He fixed his gaze on Anders and he looked as if he was ready to attack the mage. Marian readied herself to defend Anders if there was a need and her reaction was surprising even for her. She didn't realize she was ready to fight against her friends to defend Anders but it was the truth. Her faithful Mabari, Shadow, started growling loudly, feeling Hawke's tension. 

Anders didn't respond, lowering his head and staring at his feet. 

"I knew you couldn't trust mages" Fenris spat and took a step toward Anders. Marian immediately jumped in front of him, blocking her lover out from Fenris's anger, Shadow never leaving her side. The elf looked at her with his eyes wide open. 

"You would still defend him? After all he's done?" Fenris exclaimed, enraged with Marian's behavior but she didn't even flinch "I can't believe it" Fenris continued, venom spilling from his mouth "You of all people should know mages cannot be trusted, they would do anything to rule over you and then they would destroy you!" 

"Stop it, Fenris!" Hawke shouted, her tone suggesting she was barely holding out her anger. 

"Today you defend him and tomorrow he'll stab you in your back!" he yelled and unsheathed his sword. Marian pulled out her daggers in response and she carefully observed Fenris's movement. She regretted it had to come to this but if there was no other choice, she would fight for Anders until her last dying breath. 

"Marian..." she heard Anders's silent voice behind her and shuddered. 

"Shut up!" she screamed, fueled with her fierce emotions. He had no right to speak to her, not now, not yet. She was far too overpowered by her fury to be able to face him. 

Fenris glared at her and he seemed to be willing to say something but he didn't get a chance as they heard Templars approaching them with angry roars on their lips. At that moment, all of them turned around and prepared their weapons. 

"Oh, I wish we didn't have to fight" Merrill mumbled silently, gripping tightly her staff. 

"None of this would have happened if it wasn't for your precious mage" Fenris grounded out and tightened his grip around the sword's hilt. 

She set her jaw and decided to deal with her friend's anger later, focusing completely on the fight which was to begin shortly. Her fury mixed with raw excitement she tended to feel when it came to fighting. She still remembered how exhilarated she felt after fighting the Arishok. 

"There's too many of them" Varric said, looking around with hope in his eyes. 

"He's right, we can't keep them away" Merrill agreed and glanced expectantly towards Hawke, waiting for her decision. 

That's how it always was, wasn't it? Everybody waiting for her to make a decision. She was so tired of taking up responsibility for everything they'd done together. This time though, she didn't have to decide quickly as Isabela's arrival interrupted their anxious waiting. 

"Come on! Quickly!" she shouted and they all ran after her, the Templars being hard on their heels. 

"They're running away!" one of the men yelled and it made shivers go down Marian's spine. What would they do if they catch them? Was it going to be painful? Perhaps not for all of them, maybe they would spare her companion's suffering, maybe even her death would be quick but not Anders's. No, if they catch Anders, they will make him suffer and it was exactly the reason why she had to keep fighting. 

"We're not going to make it" Varric panted when they reached a small boat which could probably barely hold all of them "The bloody Templars are already here" 

"Bullshit!" Isabela cursed and pushed Marian towards the boat. "You go! We'll keep them away from you!" 

"No!" Hawke tried to protest, Anders standing right behind her, readying his staff for a fight. 

"Don't argue now!" Isabela answered, pulling out her daggers. 

"She's right! You have to go!" Varric supported Isabela "Don't worry, we'll be fine" he added, seeing Marian's worried expression. "It's you they want, not us!" 

"I can't let you..." she tried protesting one last time but deep down she knew the battle was lost before it even began. Shadow whined miserably. 

"Come on, we escaped worse trouble" Varric reassured her as he pointed Bianca at approaching Templars. "We'll take care of your Mabari" 

"He's right, don't worry about us" Merrill added with a smile, a spell beginning to form at the end of her staff. 

Marian couldn't believe the words she heard. It was only then that she realized how much they all cared for her and it made her heart clench painfully as she knew she was going to leave them, probably forever. She grabbed Anders's hand tightly and pulled him towards the boat. 

As they were sailing away, Anders steering the boat with oars, she looked at her friends fighting fiercely with the Templars. They stood no chance against such a huge number and the last glimmer of hope died in her heart when she watched them being overwhelmed by the soldiers. 

They were sailing in silence, both of them too afraid to speak, anger and anxiety growing slowly in their minds, taking over any common sense they may have had. Each of them reflected upon their friends' sacrifice and mourned silently. They tried wrapping their heads around what had happened, finding it difficult to think clearly with all the emotions ravishing their souls. 

Anders wondered if things would have turned out differently if he had told Marian about his plans. Justice was convinced it would be disastrous as the woman would probably try to discourage their plans but seeing Isabela, Varric, Fenris and Merrill sacrificing themselves, Anders felt a seed of doubt growing in his mind. Was this justice? These people did nothing to deserve such a fate and yet they had to die so that he, the apostate mage who lied to the only person he ever dared to love and then murdered innocent people, could live. 

Hawke couldn't stop thinking but her thoughts didn't really have any shape. It was a mixture of panic and fury, boiling slowly, almost ready to explode. All was lost. Everything dear to her was lost, her home, her friends gone. Only Anders was beside her but he also was ready to leave her at some point, wasn't he? When he expected her to kill him. He was ready to give up everything they've been building for such a long time... 

They finally sailed to a shore and as soon as they reached it they stood up, ready to get out of the damned boat. Anders left first and offered Marian his arm but she ignored it, afraid that his touch could trigger something she wasn't ready to release yet. His painful grimace almost softened her but she decided to steel herself and moved forward. 

They were going through a dense forest, having no idea of their whereabouts but being too tired to express their doubts. The sun was already setting and they had to find a place to sleep so when they found a cave in which they could spend the night, they both sighed with relief. 

"I'll check if it's safe" she said, the daggers already in her hands but Anders wasn't going to let her go alone and after casting a spell that formed dim light at the end of his staff, he followed her without a word. 

Several minutes later, they were sitting by a fireplace, trying to warm themselves a bit. The night was going to be cold and Hawke cursed herself silently for not wearing anything warmer. 

It was Anders who decided to finally say something. 

"Marian" he started silently, unable to look into her eyes, guilt and shame making him feel almost numb. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled but she interrupted him violently. 

"You're sorry?" she asked viciously "What are you sorry about most, Anders? The fact that you murdered all those innocent people? Do you see justice in it?" she continued as all her anger and despair finally found a way to escape her mind "Or maybe you're sorry about leaving our friends behind for death? Maybe there's justice hidden there, huh? But you know what? I actually can't see it" her words were like a venom, pouring slowly from her mouth. "Then, perhaps you're sorry about lying to me? I thought you trusted me but turns out I was wrong, wasn't I? You never fully trusted me, didn't you?" 

He was unable to give her any response. There were no words he could say to make their situation better and he knew their love was the only reason she was with him now. If he had rejected her as he intended to at the beginning of their relationships, she would have been safe, not hiding in some damp cave, shivering from cold. It was all his fault. He could have prevented it but instead, he decided to be selfish and indulge in their love. 

"I do trust you..." he started with a weak voice but Marian didn't let him finish the sentence. 

"Bullshit!" she exclaimed, clenching her fists "How could you do it to me, Anders? I don't get it, I never gave you any reason not to believe in me!" she was shouting now, letting the fury take over her, making her unable to think clearly. "I always stood behind you, I was always faithful! And that's how you repay me? I thought what we had was real but you proved me wrong! Was it a lie for you the whole time?! All those beautiful words about how much you loved me, how much you cherished the time you spent with me... Were those lies, too?!" 

"No, Marian, don't say that..." Anders tried explaining but it was impossible to stop her now. 

"You are the reason all those people suffer now!" she yelled, her voice echoing through the cave, and she stood up. "You are the reason our friends are dead!" 

As Anders's heart clenched painfully, all he could do was trying to keep Justice away but the spirit was far too powerful for him and as Justice took over his body, Anders only managed to pray silently. 

"You were a distraction!" he shouted, also standing up and moving towards her slowly, his eyes glowing blue. "You cannot blame him for your friends' choices!" 

"Of course, I knew Justice would show up sooner or later" she spat with contempt. Then, she turned on her heels and ran out of the cave, leaving Anders alone. 

"No!" he yelled when he managed to regain control over his own body but he hesitated. 

He decided not to follow her, realizing that all the pain she was feeling at that moment was caused only by him and that she would be better off without him, even if it was painful to imagine life without her. He knew he was going to break her heart eventually and he knew it was going to break his, too. But he didn't realize it would be so painful. It felt as if someone ripped his heart from his chest and left a bleeding hole. 

Trying to convince himself that Marian Hawke was a capable woman and she would find no trouble on her way, he leaned against the wall and let the tears fall down his cheeks as he tried to grasp the moment when his life started falling apart.


	2. Chapter 2

Hawke was walking forward, not paying attention to where her legs were taking her. All she wanted to do was to find a moment just for herself, to gather her chaotic thoughts. Finally, she decided to rest a bit and she leaned against a tree, trying to calm her breaths down. 

She hated Justice. The spirit always found a way to ruin their private moments as if it was lingering in some dark corner, waiting for the worst time possible to jump out and make Anders glow. But she knew she had no right to be angry with Anders about Justice's comments. It was clear from the very beginning that their relationship would be difficult. After all, it's not common to get involved with a possessed man. Nobody said it would be easy but she never expected it would be so difficult. 

She wiped away the tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath, trying to repress the terrible grief which was beginning to overpower her. Leaving her friends behind was something she would never forgive herself for but there was a slight chance they survived. They all were skilled and capable, they knew how to fight and defend themselves. Additionally, Shadow stayed with them and her faithful Mabari definitely knew how to fight. Her heart clenched painfully at the memory of Shadow's wailing when Marian was sailing away. She knew how to deal with grief but she just couldn't allow herself to believe all her friends were dead. She had to believe they somehow found a way to escape. Maybe they were even looking for her? But was it even possible to find her now?   
Hawke sat down to let her legs rest a bit. The forest was dense but she could see the sky clouding and cold wind made her shiver. It was going to rain and she couldn't help but chuckle at the irony. Maker didn't have mercy on her, that was for sure. 

Anger was slowly burning down in her chest. She still felt hurt with Anders's action but could she really blame him? The man was sick of waiting for the mages' situation to get better while observing Templars cruelty. Each day was bringing new Tranquil mages to the streets and although no one was denying that something was wrong, no one seemed to be willing to deal with the situation either. Anders was simply brave and desperate enough to finally do something. She was only concerned with the method he chose. He was never cruel, why would he decide to kill so many innocent people? Marian could bet against anyone that Justice had a say in this matter. Then, there was this underground mage resistance... maybe someone gave Anders the idea and he just went for it without thinking much about it? 

So many questions lingered in her mind and it hurt to know, she would probably never get any answers. She wasn't even sure she wanted to ask them. 

Why couldn't he trust her? Why couldn't he tell her about his plans? Of course, he explained it briefly back in Kirkwall but Marian still couldn't wrap her head around it. Wasn't this the point of being in a relationship? To trust and support each other, no matter what? He'd said he wanted to protect her but it wasn't really working. 

Even though he hurt her like no one before, there was one thing she knew for sure. She wouldn't abandon him now, when he needed her most. 

Feeling slightly better, Marian stood up and moved towards the cave in which she left Anders. She finally was ready to speak with him calmly. 

When she reached her destination and saw Anders kneeling and sobbing at the cave's entrance, his face covered with his hands, her heart shattered. 

"Anders..." she said silently in order not to startle him. He looked at her with disbelief in his eyes. 

"You came back" he whispered, pulling his hand into her direction but hesitating as if he wasn't sure whether or not he was allowed to touch her anymore. 

She quickly ran to him and embraced him strongly. 

"Of course I came back" she croaked. 

"Marian" he spoke, his body trembling violently "What have I done?" he asked dismayed. 

All she could do was to tighten her embrace. Cradling him back and forth, she stroked his hair, trying to hold back her own tears. She had to be strong. For him. 

"All these people..." he continued, still crying hopelessly. "Their blood is on my hands. It always will be..." 

"Shh, my love..." she said gently "I'm here for you" 

Anders turned his head towards her and looked right into her eyes. There was so much regret, so much sorrow in his eyes, Marian could barely stand to look at him. 

"I never wanted to hurt you, Marian" he whispered "I never wanted to lie to you. You deserve so much better. Can you ever forgive me?" he asked pleadingly. 

She cupped his face and wiped away the tears with her thumbs. 

"Anders, you warned me about it" Hawke said, surprised with her calm and steady voice "You said we weren't going to have a normal life. And you gave me choice, do you remember? My choice was to be with you, no matter what. I chose you, Anders" she managed to smile weakly. "And I don't change my mind so easily, you know how stubborn I can be" she added playfully. 

Anders clung to her tightly. 

"I don't deserve you" he whispered. 

After several minutes, they went deeper into the cave. They fell asleep in each other's embrace. Both of them felt paralyzing fear from the future but they knew that as long as they were together, they would face anything. 

When Marian opened her eyes, she sighed with relief realizing that this night Anders slept without his warden dreams haunting his mind. Usually, he used to thrash and moan through his sleep but this morning, they woke up in exactly the same position in which they had fallen asleep the night before. 

And she could easily feel the results as her neck was sore and her whole body was stiff. 

"Rise and shine" she muttered into Anders's ear. He slowly opened his eyes but kept silent. 

"I'm starving" Hawke stated matter-of-factly and stood up, stretching her arms. "You don't happen to know any spells to magically create food?" she asked. 

"There's no such thing" he mumbled, trying to get on his legs. 

"Well, this magic of yours sure could prove useful if there was a spell like this, don't you think?" she smiled at him but his face remained still. 

Hawke knew he needed time. Maker knows, she needed time as well but they had different ways of dealing with their problems. While Anders would stay grumpy, wallowing in his sorrows, Marian preferred covering her feelings under a thick layer of irony and playfulness. 

"Come on, let's find something we can eat" she ordered and he followed her without a word. 

The weather was beautiful and Hawke was truly grateful for sunrays shining through the trees. 

"Have you ever hunted before?" she asked, trying to engage Anders in a conversation, hoping it would take his mind away from his gloomy thoughts, knowing it was pointless. What he did in Kirkwall was terrifying and it wouldn't be easy to get over it but she just couldn't keep quiet. So when Anders didn't respond, she continued speaking, still walking ahead. "I imagine it can't be really _that_ difficult, can it? I mean, probably a lot easier if we had a bow... We should get a bow. I can learn to use it. I learned to fight with daggers, hell, I can learn to use a bow, right?" she continued babbling "Shit, I'm really hungry. Maybe there are some berries we can eat? Can you eat berries? I mean, do you know which ones are poisonous or something? I wouldn't want to get a food poisoning in the middle of a forest..." 

"Marian" Anders finally spoke up, his voice alarmed. 

"What?" she asked, not looking at him and still going straight ahead. "It might be unpleasant to catch it here. I would be so embarassed..." she continued but suddenly she felt his hand on her mouth. 

"Shh... someone's there" he whispered and pulled her back, hiding behind a large tree. 

Hawke's eyes went wide and she held her breath when they heard voices approaching them slowly. Anders was right, someone was coming. They didn't even know where they were, so it probably was better to just stay hidden. Cursing herself silently for being reckless, she clung to Anders, trying to stay as invisible as possible. The voices were getting closer and she finally could understand some of the words. 

"You certain?" a harsh, male voice reached her ears. 

"Yes!" this time it was a feminine voice, exclaiming with irritation "It only happened yesterday but it's true! Kirkwall's fallen apart" 

Marian gasped and glanced at Anders, her eyes wide open with fear. _Please, don't let them know it was Anders, please don't let them..._ She started repeating the words in her mind but she soon got an answer to her prayers. 

"Yeah, I heard it was a mage who started the rebellion there" another male voice joined in "Anders, they call him" 

Hawke felt as if sky fell down on her with all its strength. People knew, people heard about everything... there was no place for them to be safe, they would have to be on the run their whole lives. Anders looked at her with worry and she knew he realized it, too. They would have to stay fugitives forever. Every chance they might have had for a normal life disappeared as probably everybody would know that it was Anders who was responsible for Kirkwall's fall. People would recognize him sooner or later. 

"He was a fool to do it" the first voice spoke again and Marian felt Anders's fists clenching "There are other ways to solve our problems" 

Hawke noticed how Anders was slowly beginning to glow blue and her heart stopped beating. She looked at him and started desperately shaking her head, begging him with her eyes to keep Justice in check. He breathed heavily and closed his eyes in an attempt to calm down. 

"You would have waited for more Tranquil? The man did what he had to do!" the woman said loudly with anger. The group was now really close to the place where Marian and Anders were hiding and the couple prayed they wouldn't decide to stop there. 

"That's true!" a young, boyish voice added. "I support him!" 

"You're young and stupid" the man answered, clearly irritated with his younger friend's overzelous reaction. "If you were smarter, you'd know better than that" 

Hawke held her breath as she realized how close the group got to them. She was afraid to move a muscle and as her fists clung to Anders's robes, she could only pray the group wouldn't notice them. What if one of them recognized Anders? 

"Let's not waste time for pointless discussions here" the woman spoke up. "We have to keep going." 

Marian only allowed herself to breathe again when she was positively sure they were long gone. She gasped for air and buried her face in Anders's neck, trying to regain control over her thoughts. 

"That was close" Anders said silently, stroking her hair gently. 

Marian's thoughts were running frantically through her mind as she was beginning to thoroughly process the words she'd heard. 

"We have to follow them" she finally stated, convinced about her premise. 

"What?" Anders snapped, appalled by her words. 

"You heard them" she explained, moving towards the path which the group was using. "We need to hear what they know about your involvement. Maybe they're just rumors? Besides, they were mages, too." 

"How do you know?" he asked with confusion in his voice. 

"One of them, the guy who doesn't really like you, he said there were other ways to deal with 'our problems'. _Our_. And by the way, why is the group of mages walking freely around the Maker forsaken forest, I wonder..." she concluded and started following the group's track. 

"Marian, no" Anders tried reasoning with her. "It may be dangerous, what if they're not friendly at all?" 

"Don't worry" she turned to face him and smiled at him lightheartedly, grabbing his hand. "We won't get too close, just enough to eavesdrop a bit of this and that" she winked and pulled Anders's hand. 

They soon caught up with the group and staying at a safe distance all the time, they patiently waited for them to set up a camp as it was the only way to approach them unnoticed. Hawke was trying to forget the hunger she'd started feeling in the morning and she hoped they wouldn't have to follow the group for a long time. She just wanted to hear more useful information and get away as far as possible from all the mess surrounding them. She started wondering whether it was ever meant for her and Anders to be together without worrying about the next day. To live in peace, maybe even start a family? 

Her thoughts were interrupted when the group of mages suddenly stopped and turned into the woods. They were finally resting, setting up a camp, probably to eat something and gather strength for their journey. But where were they heading? Hawke certainly intended to find out. 

She nodded toward Anders, signaling him that they should go back a bit to be able to discuss strategy. Marian knew he wasn't going to agree easily to her idea but she also knew how to be stubborn enough to convince him. 

"Listen" she said when they were at a safe distance "I'll sneak there and eavesdrop what I can and..." 

"No" Anders interrupted her harshly, crossing his arms. 

"You didn't even let me finish!" 

"I won't let you go there alone!" he exclaimed and Hawke flinched, convinced that someone would hear their argument if Anders kept yelling. 

"Shh... be quiet" she warned him and put a hand on his chest "I appreciate your concern, my love, I really do" she continued "But it's the only way. We will make too much noise if we both go" 

"Then I'll go" 

"Anders" she chuckled "You know you're kinda shitty when it comes to sneaking" 

"You can't go alone. What if they hear you? What if something happens to you?" he asked, worry poured all over his face. He grabbed her arm and squeezed it tightly. 

"I'll be fine" she reassured "I can handle myself" 

He kept silent, glaring at her with discontent. 

"Look" she spoke up again, cupping his face "You should wait here, hide somewhere so that no one can see you. I'll be back in no time. I'll return once they finish camping, all right? With luck, I get to find out something important" 

"What if you won't be lucky this time?" he asked, looking as if he was still not fully confident in her plan. 

She smiled at him but deep down she knew it was highly possible. The last couple of days proved the Maker skimped her luck but there was no time to reflect upon his ungenerous attitude. She had to act. 

“I’ll be fine” she said. 

And when she moved towards the camp, silent as a hunting cat, she only prayed this time Maker would grant her some luck after all.


	3. Chapter 3

Evelyn Trevelyan never considered herself to be a lucky woman. As a child, she used to jump into all sorts of trouble, giving her mother a hard time and causing his father go grey faster than he'd expected. Evelyn felt there was always something more in the world than just the family mansion and boring lessons about manners and etiquette. Her father, hoping that perhaps it would be enough to keep his daughter in check, asked one of his trusted servants to teach Evelyn how to fight but allowing her only to use daggers as he believed any other weapon would be highly unsuitable for a young lady. 

Evelyn loved her daggers. She felt as if she was dancing flawlessly whenever she had her lessons, feeling free and excited to learn new combat movements, training hard to master her skills. Never in her life had she expected the skills would prove useful on a daily basis. 

Everything was different now. She was no longer a young, teenage girl, locked up in her chamber, attempting to sneak out for a run in the woods whenever she saw a possibility, complaining about being constantly bored. Now, she was the fabled Herald of Andraste with a glowing hand and a fledgling Inquisition at her side, and although she seemed to have more freedom than before, somehow she couldn't help but feel terribly confined. The Breach haunted her thoughts at every step, making it hard to fall asleep at night, causing her heart beat faster each time someone mentioned that she was the only person in the world able to save them all. 

Of course, there were those who opposed the notion, claiming she was the one who murdered the Divine and bring the wrath upon all Thedas. Evelyn couldn't help but chuckle bitterly every time she heard such ridiculous accusations. Why would she want to destroy the world in which she was living? Well, if she had done it by accident, then maybe yes, maybe then it would be possible. Her own clumsiness never ceased to amaze her. 

But she didn't do anything. She couldn't remember what had happened in the Temple of Sacred Ashes but it was an absurdity to even imagine her performing such a horrible deed as tearing the sky apart. Evelyn believed the world was beautiful and had so much to offer. Even a mere thought of wanting to destroy something which she found so fascinating and marvelous made her feel appalled. 

And yet, there she was, standing in the middle of Val Royeaux, trying to get rid of the Chantry mothers' bitter words from her mind. Their visit was definitely not what Evelyn had expected, especially with the Templars outrageous behavior. Who could be so cruel to hit an elderly lady? Even if she was a pain in the neck, nobody had a right to treat her like this. 

"Well, that's it I guess" Varric spoke up, looking around the square, observing the crowd which was now dispersing quickly. "We won't be getting Chantry support." 

"I can't believe it." Cassandra said, her eyes still wide with shock "Has the Lord Seeker lost his mind?" 

"He certainly lost his manners, if you ask me" Evelyn added, earning herself a glare from Cassandra. 

She wondered what would happen now. All she knew was that somehow everybody wanted her to make a decision on whether they should approach mages or templars and she had no idea who to choose anymore.

At first, she thought about approaching the Templars as she silently agreed with Commander Cullen that if they pour more magic into the rift, it might not necessarily bring the results they were expecting. In addition, she wasn't really convinced if it was wise to bring mages so close to the Breach, where demons were lingering around, waiting for easy prey. Weren't mages susceptible to demons' influence? How could she risk their lives? 

But now, after the display she had just witnessed, she wasn't entirely sure she still wanted to talk with the Templars. Was it sensible to approach such cruel men? Evelyn quickly reprimanded herself for her assumptions. Not every Templar had to be exactly like Lucius. 

She thought about Commander Cullen. An ex-Templar with a kind and gentle heart, hidden underneath his shining armor, always ready to listen and give her advice on any topic. An ex-Templar with amazingly beautiful eyes and a smirk which was driving her crazy, with strong arms and muscled body, proud and steadfast... 

Evelyn blushed and shook her head in an attempt to get back to reality. She scolded herself. He was the Commander, it was highly inappropriate to think about the man in this way. To think about his big, calloused hands stroking her hair, about his strong arms embracing her firmly, about his armor dropping off and... 

_Damn it, Trevelyan!_ She thought and nearly winced at her improper reflections. _Get yourself together!_

She almost jumped with surprise when an arrow with a red piece of material flew right in front of her nose and landed in the ground, not far from her side. 

"What's that? An arrow with a message?" Cassandra exclaimed just as shocked as Evelyn. 

"Let's find out" she concluded, feeling content with a distraction which would successfully take her thoughts away from Commander Cullen. 

\--- 

_Maker's breath, they're useless..._ Cullen thought feeling more irritated than he had in the morning. The newly recruited soldiers were giving him a hard time, as Cullen realized they would stand no chance in the real fight. Anyway, not now, but it was Cullen's job to ensure his soldiers survive every battle they'd be thrown into and he tended to be extremely dedicated when it came to his responsibilities. 

Everything was happening really fast and the Commander had some difficulties in wrapping his head around the situation. He was supposed to lead the Inquisition army, yes, but with the Divine Justinia as a leader. First, he was dragged to Haven, contemplating his abandonment of the Templar Order and suddenly he found himself staring at a huge hole in the sky with his mouth wide open. He couldn't help but wonder if it was the Maker's plan from the very beginning. 

Without the proper leadership, the Inquisition was weaker than they'd expected but the presence of lady Trevelyan definitely helped their cause, as the woman was eager to help any person who addressed her, and Cullen was no longer sure whether it was because of her kindness, or rather because of her yearning for adventure. He also wasn't sure which of these two qualities of the Herald's personality he admired more. 

Cullen had to admit, however reluctant he had been at the beginning, Evelyn Trevelyan was a remarkable woman. Thrown into the unknown, she was never afraid to face the dangers waiting for her. Standing tall, she understood and accepted her new role in the Inquisition. At least, that's what Cullen thought. 

Reflecting upon the Herald, he remembered how he chuckled when the news of her collecting bear pelts in Hinterlands reached Haven. Later, she fiercely defended her decision about helping each and every person the group had met on their way, trying to prove it would be heartless to leave them defenseless. He also remembered the strange warmth pouring over his heart, when she smiled at him after he backed her up in front of Leliana and Josephine. 

Yes, Lady Herald was outstanding. The kindness of her heart could be outmatched only by her constant cheeriness which made everybody feel much better. Even her clumsiness seemed to be endearing. Not to mention, her spectacular, golden hair and exceptional emerald green eyes in which Cullen could stare for hours on end. Then, her body, her full bosom which... 

Cullen cleared his throat as he felt his cheeks going red. He started desperately looking for a distraction, trying to erase her image from his mind. She was the Herald of Andraste. It definitely wasn't appropriate to think of her body, however marvelous it was. He shouldn't be thinking about what it would feel like to touch her soft skin, to bury his hands in her hair and hold her close, to unbutton her shirt and... 

"Commander!" his soldier's voice suddenly broke into his thoughts. "I've got the report you were asking for" 

"Yes, thank you" Cullen answered and started reading the report, trying to suppress a smirk that crawled onto his mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm on tumblr now, too! Slowly figuring out how it works...   
> http://karogue.tumblr.com/ - that's me, if you're interested! :)

Hawke was almost sure her heart beat so loudly that the mages would sooner or later hear it. It was terrifying and exciting at the same time. Trying to be as silent as possible, she came up to the group, hoping she would hear something interesting or useful. She needed to know something, otherwise she and Anders would be just forever wandering pointlessly around the forest. Hawke wasn't used to not knowing things and the urge to find out what was going on was stronger than her common sense. 

She tried moving up just a little bit closer in order to hear the group better but annoyingly enough, they weren't talking at all. Hawke suspected that even if they were talking, she would probably pay no attention to it because of what they were holding in their hands. Food. Pieces of bread and dried meat which now seemed to be the most delicious things in the world. She gently shook her head and closed her eyes to silence the horrifying grumbling of her stomach. 

_Focus, Marian. Focus._ She scolded herself and patiently waited for any of the people to say something. 

They were a strange group, that was for sure. There was a young couple, a woman and a man, holding hands and smiling at each other although they seemed to be exhausted with their journey. Next to them, there sat a rather older man, silver strands showing in his dark hair, who was simply staring at his food with a thoughtful face. There was also a woman with beautiful, long and dark hair of which Hawke was extremely jealous. 

Hawke reminisced about her time spent with Isabela in the Hanged Man. One day, Marian complained to her pirate friend about the state of her hair. What started as an innocent exchange od pleasantries, ended up being a full-blown bet with Hawke and Isabela walking up to every man sitting in the tavern, asking them whose hair was better. Of course, Isabela won and had to buy Marian drinks for the whole week. Hawke nearly let out a bitter chuckle at her memories when she realized she would probably never see Isabela again. 

Coming back to reality, she started feeling impatient. It seemed all her efforts were for nothing. The mages didn't seem to be very talkative, almost as if they barely tolerated each other's company. Marian decided not to waste any more time, especially since her stomach loudly demanded food and she slowly started backing away. 

When she felt a strong grip on her arm, she wanted to scream but suddenly there was a hand covering her mouth and all she could do was to let out a silent, muffled sound and scuffle helplessly in an attempt to break away from her attacker. 

"Well, well" she heard a harsh voice and she held her breath, realizing her mistake. She was observing the group for quite a long time and she didn't notice that one of the people wasn't there. The man who claimed Anders was wrong. "What shall we do with you?" the man asked and pushed her forward, moving towards the group. 

Her heart was racing at a frantic pace as she tried to predict what the mages would do to her. Undoubtedly, there were many spells they could use to torture her, but maybe, just maybe they wouldn't want to hurt her? She didn't do anything wrong, didn't hurt anyone, didn't even intend to do such things... 

"Gael!" she heard a surprised exclamation and glanced towards the woman who was looking at them with a shocked expression. "What in the Maker's name are you doing?!" 

"She was sneaking up on us" the man simply stated "You, kid, hand me something to tie the bitch's hands!" he nodded towards the young boy. Hearing the man's voice, the boy stood up but hesitated as if he wasn't entirely sure whether or not he should listen to his friend's orders. He glanced towards the girl, who was now gripping his hand but she was just staring at Hawke, her eyes wide open with fear. 

"Now!" there was a loud scream right next to Marian's ear and she winced at the noise. The boy obediently approached them with a piece of rope in his hands and tied Marian's hands together, making her wrists pulse with pain. 

"And what are you planning to do with this girl, I wonder" the woman spoke aggressively, putting her hands on her hips. 

"We'll kill her" he just said and Marian held her breath. 

"Have you lost your mind?!" the woman was outraged "We're not murderers!" 

"What if _she_ is?!" he answered and with one hand still covering her lips, he pulled her dagger out and held it to her neck. 

Marian suddenly felt very weak and terrified. Her breaths were quick and shallow, and she almost closed her eyes, feeling panic overwhelming her senses but she checked herself and promised that she would not be a coward. Marian Hawke would die standing tall, not cowering with fear. 

"You don't know that!" the woman screamed and she glanced expectantly at the older man who was observing the scene silently as if she was looking for his support. Fortunately, the man understood the hint and slowly stood up. 

"Gael, do you really consider this wise?" he asked with a calm and steady voice. 

"Did you even ask her about anything? Give her a chance to explain!" the dark-haired woman kept screaming furiously. 

"Fine!" the man yelled angrily and pushed Marian forward, making her stumble and fall on her knees. "What are you doing here?" he asked. 

"Nothing" she mumbled silently and suddenly she felt a fist on her cheek, hitting her hard and she almost fell down. She heard a shriek, probably coming from the girl who was sitting silently, clinging to her lover. 

"Don't lie to me, bitch!" the man shouted. "Those are nice daggers you have here... what are you? An assassin? Why are spying on us? Who is with you?" 

"No one" she said and quickly felt the result of her lies as the man kicked her belly. She cringed and tried to calm her breaths. She was not going to scream, not in his wildest dreams. 

"Stop hurting her!" the woman shouted again and slowly moved towards Marian but the older man grabbed her shoulder and made her stop. 

"I warned you not to lie to me" her attacker kept speaking "I know you've been following us for some time now and I know you were with someone. You're not as good at hiding as you think. So, where is he? Who are you?" he repeated his questions. 

Marian lowered her head and sealed her lips. She'd rather die than tell them about Anders. 

She felt cold steel being pushed to her neck again and shivered. 

"You think I'm not going to kill you?" the man asked silently, almost whispering to her ear. 

"LEAVE HER!" there was a loud roar coming from ahead and Hawke closed her eyes when she immediately recognized the voice. She felt despair pouring over her mind and she nearly whimpered with genuine fear. But this time, it wasn't the fear for _her_ life. 

Anders was standing tall, his staff already in his hands, a spell forming at the top. He looked terrifying and Hawke was convinced she'd never seen him in such a state before. His fury was almost tangible. 

"And why would I do that?" the man asked viciously and pushed the dagger against her neck, causing a single blood drop to appear. 

Anders growled dangerously and made a step forward. 

"I said, leave her" he ground out. 

"Gael" Hawke heard the older man speaking again "He's a mage, too" 

There was a silence, interrupted only by her loud breathing. And then, the man loosened his grip and threw the dagger on the ground. He pushed Marian, making her fall down on her chest, her hands still tied behind her back. Anders was by her side instantly, quickly grabbing her dagger and cutting the rope. He helped Marian sit straight but she felt sharp pain in her stomach and she whimpered silently. 

"It's all right, I've got you" Anders whispered and proceeded to heal her. 

His magic was like a delicate tingling on her skin. She really enjoyed being healed by Anders as his spells were always soothing and relaxing. Marian remembered being healed by Merrill once but her spells were nowhere near Anders's. Her healing spells were hasty and careless, his were always meticulous and slow, almost as if Anders was also enjoying the process. One day, she told him about her impression on his healing, adding jokingly that she practically wished being hurt in order to get a chance to be healed by him. Marian almost forgot how he chuckled then, taking her into his embrace and kissing deeply. He used to be cheerful and optimistic, and now he was a mere shadow of a person he once was and Marian couldn't help but wonder if there was a chance for him to come back to being the man she fell in love with. 

"I may have spared her life" the man who attacked Hawke spoke again "But it doesn't mean you can go without an explanation. Why were you following us?" he glared the couple, crossing his arms. The rest of the group was also observing them, waiting for an answer but their attitude wasn't as hostile. "Who are you?" 

Anders took a deep breath in order to calm his nerves down. He was still holding Marian protectively, afraid that the mages may change their minds about not attacking them. 

"We're not looking for trouble" he said, his voice still trembling with emotions. Marian was surprised Justice didn't show up but she suspected Anders must have been trying very hard to keep the spirit in check. 

"You look tired" the dark-haired woman approached them slowly and put a hand on Anders's arm in a friendly gesture. She was smiling gently at them and Hawke immediately felt she liked her. Even though she still was jealous of her hair. 

"We..." Anders started and looked worryingly at Hawke "We haven't eaten anything since yesterday" 

"Come on" simply stated, reaching her hand to Marian in order to help her stand up "We've got some food, we can share" 

"Yes, of course" suddenly the young boy spoke up, approaching them "Join us" he smiled. 

At his words, the man who had attacked Marian let out a irritated moan and went away from the camp, cursing under his breath. 

"He's not exactly a sweet sunshine, isn't he?" Hawke asked silently, earning herself a heartily laughter from the older man. 

"I couldn't have put it better, my child" he said and gave Hawke a piece of bread. 

Marian and Anders started eating the food offered to them, feeling as if it was the best meal in their lives. The group was looking at them with curiosity. 

"What's your name?" the woman finally asked, turning her question to Anders. 

"I'm An..." he started but Hawke immediately interrupted him harshly. 

"He's Andrew." she said, glancing angrily at him, wondering how it was possible for him to be so dumb at times. "And I'm Mary" she added, changing her name just in case anybody heard about the Champion of Kirkwall. "Where are you headed?" she asked, intending to change the topic. 

"Oh" the boy spoke up with a surprise "I thought you knew. You are a mage after all" he said and when Anders gave him a surprised look he continued. "The Circles rebelled. There's a gathering of all mages who are interested in deciding what to do next" 

Hawke wasn't sure she understood his words at first but she quickly repeated them in her mind and looked at the boy with her eyes wide open. 

"What are you saying?" Anders asked with caution and disbelief. 

"Well, my friends" the older man answered "The mages are rebelling. We are going to take our freedom."


	5. Chapter 5

Evelyn narrowed her eyes when she looked at the sky. She came back from Val Royeaux the day before and she finally could enjoy a moment for herself. However, wandering from one place to another, she was quickly bored and wanted to do something funny.  
Her cheeks blushed red when she immediately thought about Commander Cullen. Last time they spoke, she asked him about his Templar vows and his stuttering was the most adorable thing she had ever witnessed. Feeling an undeniable urge to tease the Commander a little bit more, she moved towards the training yard. She knew he would be there. The man seemed to be unable to take a break and she wondered if he ever rested. Was work his only hobby? 

She noticed him soon, standing in the sunlight, wearing his usual armor with a huge, furry mantle over his shoulders. She smiled involuntarily. The Commander was definitely a handsome man and Evelyn couldn't help but wonder if he had left someone special in Kirkwall. Did he ever have a sweetheart? The man so dedicated to his work probably wouldn't have time for such nonsense but there was always a chance. She decided to ask him about it, convinced it would make him blush. 

Evelyn was quickly moving towards Cullen and when he noticed her, he smiled brightly at her. She smiled back but unfortunately it was abruptly wiped out from her face. 

She could swear she would curse her clumsiness for the rest of her life. As she was walking forward, she stumbled over a rock laying on the ground. Convinced of her forthcoming fall which always followed her pathetic attempts of regaining balance, she found herself even more surprised when she felt a sudden, sharp pain, as something hit her face forcefully. Everything went dark for a moment and she could hear muffled sounds around her. Screaming? 

\--- 

Cullen couldn't focus on his work. He needed to finish the training with the new recruits but his mind was constantly wandering off to the Herald. He realized her task wasn't easy and it wasn't exactly fair to make her deal with everything the Maker had thrown on the Inquisition's path but he also couldn't deny her resourcefulness. Wherever she went, she seemed to always have a solution to everybody's problems. Although the burden they had put on her was undoubtedly heavy, she didn't seem to mind at all, always responding with a beautiful smile and usually with funny or ironic comments, which Cullen found highly amusing. 

He looked around, trying to concentrate again on the soldiers and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the Herald approaching him quickly. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of her, thinking how beautiful her hair looked in the sunlight but he flinched when he saw her stumbling on something and waving her hands desperately, trying to regain her balance. Although he found her clumsiness somewhat adorable, he gasped with terror when one of the soldiers obviously didn't notice the Herald of Andraste standing right beside him and accidentally hit her right on her head with his shield. 

As she was falling down on the ground, Cullen screamed. 

"Herald!" 

"Maker's breath, I killed Andraste's Herald" the unfortunate soldier stated with pure horror. 

Cullen knelt by her side and exhaled with relief when he noticed she was still conscious.

"Lady Trevelyan?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

"Ugh... my head..." she mumbled. 

"Are you all right?" Cullen inquired worryingly. It was a forceful hit and he was afraid she might have had a serious injury. 

"I'm fine... Will you help me stand up?" Evelyn muttered, reaching a hand towards Cullen. 

He grabbed it and pulled her up but he quickly regretted his decision when she faltered and almost fell down again. Catching her just in time, he held her limp body tightly. 

"You need to be healed quickly, you might have a concussion" he said, trying to hold her up but she was too weak to stand on her own. Deciding it would be much quicker to just carry her, he pulled her up in his arms and moved towards the place where healers usually gathered. He glanced one last time at the small crowd of soldiers behind him and snapped "Dismissed!" 

He was walking fast, catching everybody's attention but not stopping. The feeling he had in his chest was completely new to him. It was a mixture of fear and pain he'd never felt before. All he could think of was her well-being. 

"Commander" Cullen heard her silent mumbling. Her eyes were barely opened and she seemed to be ready to slip into unconsciousness anytime. "Do you know..." she continued, her words almost unrecognizable. "You're handsome..." 

Cullen's cheeks were burning when he processed her words. Trying to convince himself that she was probably delusional because of hitting her head, he forced his pace. 

"But you're always in this armor of yours" she continued "Why do you always wear it?" she asked but even if Cullen wanted to answer her question, she wouldn't have heard it as her head slumped down and her eyes closed. 

"Evelyn!" he shouted and started running, panic overtaking him completely. 

When he finally reached the healers, he was panting loudly. Trying to calm down, he looked around in an attempt to find someone skilled in healing and he exhaled with relief when he saw Solas approaching them quickly. 

"The Herald..." he choked "She needs healing..." 

"Put her here" Solas instructed him. "What happened?" he asked. 

"She..." Cullen started but suddenly he felt really foolish as he didn't know how to explain that Evelyn got hit by his own soldier. 

"Probably stumbled on something as always, didn't she?" Solas asked, already working his magic on Evelyn. 

"Yes. Yes, that's what happened" Cullen answered, looking expectantly at Evelyn. 

After several minutes, Solas finished casting his spells and turned to face Cullen. 

"She'll be fine, it was just a minor injury" he said, making Cullen able to breath easy again. "She should wake up soon" 

"Thank you" the Commander simply stated and knelt beside Evelyn, wanting to make sure she'd be all right once she wakes up. 

The unpleasant clenching of his chest stopped and it was now replaced by strange warmth and as Cullen observed Evelyn's chest rising and falling slowly, he decided he liked the new feeling a lot.


	6. Chapter 6

They had been travelling for a couple of days, which gave Marian and Anders a chance to get to know their companions. They all met on the road, never knowing each other before. 

The woman whose hair caused Marian being eaten up by jealousy was named Adney and Hawke could swear she was the kindest person she’d ever met. The older man was her brother, Elton. He generally kept quiet unless someone asked his opinion and that someone was usually his sister, nagging him to speak his mind. 

There was also a young couple, Davin and Kelsie. While Davin was always talkative and ready to help, Kelsie seemed unusually quiet and afraid of everything that surrounded her. She always kept close to Davin, having her eyes fixed on him with pure adoration and Hawke wondered if that’s what she’d looked like when Anders had kissed her for the first time. 

The only person both Marian and Anders couldn’t stand was Gael. The man never seemed to be content with anything and was simply a nuisance for the group. He was always making sure that everybody knew his critical opinion on everything they did, even if no one asked him to express it. In addition, Hawke never felt comfortable around him, as he always glanced at her angrily. He made sure to state at every possible occasion that Hawke was not a mage thus she was worse than the rest of the group and she practically had no right to be around them. Although Hawke reassured Anders these were just empty words with no actual threat behind them, he always tried being around whenever Gael was approaching her. 

Their journey wasn’t particularly exhausting as everybody had skills which proved useful. Every day they were able to find something to eat and set up a camp to rest. The only thing bothering Hawke was the lack of privacy which made it impossible to talk with Anders one on one. They had to remember to address each other as ‘Mary’ and ‘Andrew’, and as much as Hawke needed to talk with him about their destination, they simply weren’t given such an opportunity. 

Marian was wondering what they would find at the heart of mage rebellion. In their small group, they tried very hard to avoid the topic of Kirkwall’s events and Hawke wasn’t surprised with that, as she still remembered their argument about whether or not Anders was right. She actually was grateful they didn’t try to argue about his actions because she wasn’t entirely sure if Justice wouldn’t decide to show up, hearing Gael’s uncomplimentary comments on Anders. 

Hawke knew exactly when they got closer to their destination. They were meeting more and more mages on their way and she couldn’t help but grab her daggers instinctively each time someone passed them, worrying that eventually someone would recognize Anders. It was very difficult to predict the mages’ possible reactions towards meeting the infamous Anders as the opinions about him varied greatly but all Hawke wanted to do was to keep him safe. She’d sooner die than let anybody hurt him.   
“We’re here” Adney finally spoke with obvious excitement in her voice. 

They were standing in the middle of a forest where mages were running around. Some of them seemed to be having serious conversations as Hawke could hear their fierce arguing, while some of them were simply running around, casually talking to each other and laughing. The atmosphere of anticipation was nearly tangible and Hawke could feel her own excitement rising with every minute. 

“Keep close to me” Anders whispered in her ear, holding her hand tightly. He was right. It seemed that she was the only person without magic in her blood and it made her uneasy, as she still remembered Gael’s bitter words. 

“This will be amazing!” Davin exclaimed with joy and held Kelsie closely. The girl looked as if she finally allowed herself to relax a bit and Marian couldn’t help but let out a chuckle on how reversed her own reaction was. 

“Let’s find a place to wait” Adney decided “I’m sure there are more of us to join, it’ll take some time to gather us all” 

They followed Adney, searching a decent place to sit. Hawke was nervously clinging to Anders’s hand, her head lowered but her eyes observing their surroundings cautiously. It was hard to admit but she was afraid. So many things could go wrong she didn’t even know where to start if she was to list them. 

Finally, they set up calmly under the trees and waited. 

“Where’s Gael?” suddenly Adney asked, looking around surprised. 

“Probably brooding somewhere” Davin answered quickly “Why do you even care? We don’t need him” 

“You’re right” Adney said after a brief moment of consideration and sat near her brother “So, Elton” she spoke “What do you think?” 

“I think” he started solemnly, looking around the big camp formed by all the mages “you should observe closely, Adney. We’re creating history here.” 

However, after two or three hours Hawke started feeling irritated with the fact that all this history creation took such a long time. She and Anders were sitting silently under the tree, holding each other protectively. Anders wore a hood on his head after he had noticed some people in the crowd who might have recognized him. 

“What are we doing here, Marian?” he finally whispered, making sure no one else could hear them. 

“We’re watching how history is created” she told him playfully but he didn’t even smile. It was such a long time since she last saw him smile… Would it even be possible for him to move on? “We need to know what is going on” 

“I don’t understand” he continued, his eyes carefully observing people who were passing them all the time “Why do you always insist on knowing what’s going on…” he mumbled with resignation “It’s not safe for us to be here, you know that” 

“I don’t recognize you” she answered, irritation growing in her chest. “You of all people… You were the one to always fight for your rights!” her voice was raised as she could no longer hide her anger “You are the one who…” suddenly realizing it wasn’t smart to shout any longer, she hesitated and continued in a whisper “You are the one who started all this. Don’t you see? We have to be there, we have to know… Once, you would have been thrilled to see this happening. What changed?” 

“Everything changed!” he snapped, also a bit louder than he intended to “Don’t you understand? I put our friends’ lives in danger! It’s my fault they’re dead!” he screamed now, not caring anymore if people could hear them. Hawke put her hands on his shoulders, trying to calm him down. “Worst of all, I put _your_ life in danger and I will never forgive myself for that” he finished, cupping her face and she noticed tears welling up in his eyes. “I know it now, Marian. Nothing matters if you’re not by my side” he croaked. “And being here is not safe for you, we shouldn’t…” 

Suddenly, his words were drown out by a loud noise, which Hawke was unable to identify. They looked around and noticed how everybody started gathering around a large clearing. 

“Come on!” they heard Davin’s excited screaming “It’s starting!” 

Anders managed to look pleadingly at Marian one last time before she grabbed his hand and stood up.

“Come” she said, looking at his face “And don’t worry. We’ll keep a low profile, all right? We’ll be fine, you’ll see” she quickly kissed him on the nose “And I’ll always be by your side” she smiled and pulled his hand towards the gathering. 

If it was really the act of creating history, Marian Hawke was positively sure she wanted to witness it.


	7. Chapter 7

After Marian and Anders approached the gathering, they stood in the corner, trying not to catch anybody’s attention while still being able to hear everything. At first, there was a huge commotion, a cacophony of sounds, all the people talking together, excitement hanging in the air. Suddenly, a tall man stood in the middle of a clearing and all it took for him was raising a hand to make everybody fall silent. He must have been someone important as each and every person looked at him with respect. 

“My fellow mages” the man spoke, his voice firm and steady. Hawke tried glancing at Anders to get any answers but he was silent, focusing his gaze only on the man. “You all came here because you have received our message” the man continued speaking solemnly “The Circles no longer exist. We are all branded apostates and we have to decide what we want to do.” 

Suddenly, there was a loud murmuring in the crowd. It seemed as if every person wanted to speak their opinion without listening to others. _This isn’t good._ Hawke thought anxiously and squeezed Anders’s hand. He finally looked at her but his fear and uncertainty didn’t make her feel any better. 

“My friends” the man continued speaking, once again causing silence. “We have to decide the shape of our future. We finally have a chance to speak our minds freely. The Templars are still hunting the apostates but together we can make a difference!” 

“And what sort of a difference that would be, Donovan?” suddenly, a woman standing next to Hawke shouted “Paid with blood and suffering?” she continued angrily. 

“She’s right!” Hawke didn’t even have to look for the source of that voice as she immediately recognized Gael “You all know what Anders did in Kirkwall!” 

At his words, the mages seemed uneasy. Their whispers mixed into one noise, impossible to understand. Hawke felt her heart skip a beat and she clung to Anders, fear overtaking her body. She started wondering that perhaps Anders was right, perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to stay here. Still, she needed to know. 

“Anders was right!” some other man screamed loudly “We cannot tolerate the injustice towards mages! We do not deserve such a treatment!” 

“Anders was a murderer!” Gael responded and Hawke felt her lover trembling. She looked at him with fear. 

“Lies!” another person joined the discussion. “He did what he had to do! He was the only one brave enough to do it!” 

“Killing people isn’t brave!” there was yet another female voice, shouting from across the clearing.   
The man standing in the middle, whose name was Donovan as Hawke knew now, raised his hand again. 

“We are NOT gathered here to discuss Anders’s deed” he said, bringing back the silence but it wasn’t the same silence. This one was angry, ready to explode at the least expected moment. “We have to decide what to do next! Do we go back to form circles? Or do we go to war for our rights?” 

The mages could no longer be controlled. They started screaming and arguing, everyone wanting to be louder than others. 

“We have to go” Hawke heard Anders’s whisper and this time she nodded in agreement. The situation was about to get out of hand and Marian didn’t intend to stay until the mages start killing each other. 

Anders grabbed her hand strongly and tried going back to the forest but the crowd was dense and it was difficult to get past everyone. Suddenly, somebody fell down, pushed by somebody else, right into Hawke and Anders, causing the couple to separate. People started being more and more aggressive, shouting constantly and breaking into fights. 

Hawke felt panic gripping her heart when she lost sight of Anders. The crowd swallowed them into different directions and all she could do was to look for him frantically but all the faces looked the same when the people pushed her from one place to another. 

Suddenly, she bumped into someone and felt a strong grip on her arms. She turned around, ready to attack if necessary but sighed with relief when she saw Adney. 

“Have you seen Elton?” she asked worryingly. 

“No. I lost Anders…” Hawke stopped mid-sentence, realizing her mistake but it seemed that Adney didn’t even notice. 

_Damn it, Marian, you have to be more careful._

“This is crazy” Adney panted, trying to avoid being pushed by anyone else. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll find Elton” Marian tried reassuring the woman but deep inside a terrible fear was gnawing at her heart. She had a gut feeling that something horrible was going to happen and her premonitions were usually correct. 

At that exact moment, Hawke heard a scream that made her hair stand on end. She could swear she would never forget the horror she’d felt then. 

“That’s him! It’s Anders, you’re Anders!” a young woman screamed not far away from Hawke. 

“What?” Marian heard Adney’s surprised whisper but didn’t have time to explain anything. She rushed towards the source of the exclamation. 

The mages had already formed a small circle around Anders. Some of them looked at him with fear, some with curiosity and some with pure contempt but nobody dared to come close to him. When Hawke finally broke through the crowd, she felt a mixture of relief and terror. Relief because she found him, terror because of the circumstances. 

She ran straight into his arms and hugged him close. They didn’t dare to say a word, looking around and waiting for any reaction from the crowd. She knew Anders was terrified but ready to face his fate if the mages decided against him. He had been ready back in Kirkwall. But he was terrified because now, Hawke was also in danger. 

Donovan finally approached them slowly, fixing his gaze on Anders. 

“I didn’t think you would come” he said. 

“You!” Hawke heard Gael’s furious scream coming from behind them. She quickly turned around and pulled out her daggers. “It was you all the time!” 

Hawke noticed Davin holding Kelsie close, staring at them with disbelief but also with hope. 

“Donovan, we need to do something!” Gael continued screaming “This man is a dangerous criminal!” 

“Fortunately, Geal, it’s not up to you to decide the fate of this man” Donovan answered coldly. 

“Yeah, Gael” some other woman supported Donovan’s words. “The Circles don’t exist anymore, you don’t have any power now” 

Hawke was disoriented. She had no idea who the people were and what they were talking about but she was determined to stand by Anders till the very end. So she didn’t hide her daggers and didn’t back away. 

“And who might you be?” Donovan turned to Marian. 

“I’m nobody” she quickly snapped. 

“I know her!” some young girl in the crowd spoke up “She’s the Champion of Kirkwall. She’s Hawke!” 

Marian winced when she heard the title. She never really appreciated being called that and now, she assumed it wouldn’t give her any special treatment at all. 

“She has nothing to do with any of it” Anders suddenly spoke firmly, putting a hand on Hawke’s shoulder and standing in front of her, as if he wanted to shield her from an attack. “It’s me you want, let her go.” 

Marian wanted to scream and shout, and kick Anders right in his stupid ass but she found herself unable to say anything. He might beg them for her life endlessly. She would never leave him alone. 

“Calm down, Anders” Donovan said “Nobody said anything about hurting any of you. Do you want to say anything?” he asked “What is your choice, Anders? Do you want us to keep fighting?” 

Anders didn’t respond immediately and Hawke kept observing him closely, still ready to defend him in case of an attack. She felt as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. He was scared and tired of fighting. Kirkwall took away all his strength to fight, all his will vanished and although Justice was still trapped in his body, the spirit could no longer influence Anders’s mind as much as before. But then, he looked at her and Marian knew he was thinking about their future. They talked about it once. How happy they could be if mages had their rights. If they could get married, if they could have children… if they were free. 

“We should fight” Anders finally stated calmly. 

“Mages, here’s the man who allowed us to make a decision on our own!” at his words, Donovan addressed the crowd. “He wanted you to have a choice. What do you choose, brothers and sisters? Do you choose fighting for your freedom? Are you willing to pay the price for our future? For us and for our children?” 

At first, there was nothing but silence. Hawke could feel her heart beat loudly with anticipation. Everything depended now on their decision. If they agree with Anders, they’ll let him go. If not… 

Relief poured over her body when she heard a familiar voice behind her. 

“I’ll fight!” Davin said with pride and Hawke smiled at him. “And Kelsie will fight, too. For our freedom and for our future!” 

“He’s right” some woman supported his claim, bravely stepping out of the crowd “We deserve freedom” 

Suddenly, there were many voices speaking at the same time, expressing their support towards Anders, and Hawke finally allowed herself to lower her defenses. She could hardly believe it. Looking around the crowd, she could see how the majority supported Anders wholeheartedly and it made her heart fill with pride. Then, she noticed that those who didn’t look up to him, also didn’t seem to be friendly and she quickly came close to Anders, praying the mages wouldn’t answer violently. 

Unfortunately, the Maker seemed to have a habit of ignoring her prayers and when the first lightning bolt was sent in their direction, she focused completely on avoiding it, dragging Anders to the ground, and reminded herself that she should stop praying and hoping for miracles.


	8. Chapter 8

Marian couldn’t exactly remember what had happened. People started fighting, screaming in agony, all she could see were flashes of different spells and as she clung to Anders, trying to protect him with her body, she only hoped none of the spells would reach them. She wasn’t particularly keen on being set on fire. 

“We have to go!” Anders shouted, breaking free from her grip. 

“Where?” she asked, dodging a spell which flew right over her head. Anders didn’t respond immediately, fixing his gaze on Marian, trying to come up with a solution. 

“You can escape unnoticed, I know you can do that” he finally spoke, after he had to pull Marian to the ground in order to dodge another spell. “You have to go…” 

“No way, Anders” she interrupted him harshly “I am not leaving you, you should know it by now” 

He looked as if he wanted to argue, to shake her and yell at her, tell her she was a fool to stay with him, but he was able only to glance at her with worry and love before he had to pull her down to the ground again. 

“Come on” she said and started crawling towards the trees, Anders quickly following her. 

They managed to get out of the heart of the fight and stand up. Marian looked around with fear. This was exactly what Anders was afraid of, this is why he didn’t want to stay. She just hadn’t realized how divided the mages were in their attitudes towards their own freedom. Marian had assumed everybody wanted to be free but she now knew that the world didn’t work this way. She remembered the words some woman shouted towards Gael. _The Circles don’t exist anymore. You don’t have any power now._ Was that what it was all about? Was power really worth living in confinement? Was it even a real power with Templars and the Chantry controlling everything? Was it worth killing fellow mages? 

Hawke couldn’t understand and didn’t know how to answer the questions which were quickly forming in her head. People who had so much in common were now fighting each other instead of coming together, allowing their desires come between them. Instead of talking to each other, they chose bloodshed. Instead of peace, they chose war. 

She looked around in disbelief, trying to figure out their next move but when she saw Davin, the young boy who was so eager to support Anders, shielding his beloved with his own body, trying to keep up the barrier but barely holding on, she lost it. Without a word, she pulled out her daggers once again and ran into their direction. 

“Marian!” she heard Anders’s scream but she didn’t stop. Those were just innocent teenagers, they didn’t deserve it. She had to protect them, had to do something. 

“Hey you!” she yelled towards the man who was aiming his spells in their direction. “Maybe you should focus on someone who can actually match you?” she said. 

“Well, well… “ he said, ceasing his spells, allowing Davin to take a break. He faltered with exhaustion but Kelsie held him tight, her cheeks covered with her tears. “The Champion is here.” The mage continued, observing Marian carefully. “It’s not your fight. I know you were never hostile towards mages and I don’t want to hurt you” 

“That’s too bad” Marian answered, still moving closer to her opponent “Because you’ve just attacked my friends and I usually want to hurt people who hurt my friends” she stated calmly and attacked unexpectedly. 

“No!” she managed to hear Anders’s scream but didn’t have time to acknowledge his presence. 

She dodged the fireball which was sent in her direction and managed to swing her dagger, hurting the man’s hand, making his sleeve turn red. He hissed with pain but then, he smiled viciously and Marian knew exactly what was going to happen. 

“Well” the man said “I guess you made it easy for me."

She felt the familiar fear gripping her heart when she noticed how he started reaching to his wound and she just knew she had to act quickly. Dragging her daggers straight through the man’s heart, she watched him fall down on the ground lifeless. 

“Are you all right?” she heard Anders’s voice and turned to face him. He looked worried, glancing towards her daggers covered in blood. 

“He would have used blood magic…” she whispered as if she wanted to justify her actions. 

“I know” Anders answered, putting his hands on her shoulders. “It’s all right…” 

Nothing was all right and Hawke was aware of that but there was no time to reflect upon her morality and instincts. 

“Quickly, heal Davin!” she exclaimed, pointing towards the young couple hiding under the tree. He nodded but before he ran to their friends, he grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him. 

“What happened?” he asked, kneeling beside the unconscious boy. 

“He- he got hit…” Kelsie sobbed, holding Davin’s limp body “some spell… I don’t know, he was pro-protecting me…” 

“Hush…” Marian quickly approached her and hugged her firmly. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see. Anders is the best healer you can get.”   
Anders didn’t waste any more time and started working his magic on the boy’s body, while Marian embraced and cradled the trembling girl. It wasn’t long until Davin opened his eyes and looked around the familiar faces surrounding him. 

“Davin!” Kelsie exclaimed with relief, throwing her arms around the boys neck. 

“There’s no time” Marian said “You have to go, run into the woods, it’s not safe here” 

“What about you?” Davin asked worryingly. 

“We’ll be right behind you” Hawke lied, knowing that it was the only way the couple could agree to run. 

Anders and Hawke watched them disappearing behind the trees and squeezed each other’s hands, readying for another battle. People were still fighting although the commotion seemed to have calmed down a bit. Marian could still hear the whiz of spells, the screams of those who got hurt and she couldn’t bring herself to just walk away from it. She looked at Anders who was also observing their surroundings and she noticed how he tried to keep Justice in check, the familiar blue glow cracking on his skin. 

“Come on” she said and they didn’t need more words. 

They tried saving every poor soul laying on the ground. Anders was healing and Hawke defending. They advised everybody to move towards the woods in order to avoid more fighting and people listened to them. 

“I’m sorry…” one woman whispered right after she was healed, grabbing Anders’s hand and looking at him miserably. “I didn’t support your actions at first but now I know I was wrong. We need to change. We need to do something.” Anders smiled at her gently but it was a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and Hawke knew that deep down he was blaming himself for the fighting.   
There were fewer and fewer people needing their help as they were slowly approaching the group who was still fighting. 

Anders knelt by another woman who was bleeding profusely from her arm and immediately proceeded to heal her. Hawke stood right beside him, looking around cautiously and when she noticed a spell, flying right into Anders’s direction, she didn’t have much time to think and threw herself on her lover, pushing him out of the spell’s way. Unfortunately, she didn’t manage to protect herself so when she felt terrible cold penetrating her whole body, she was only able to hiss with pain before she found herself unable to move. 

“Marian!” Anders shouted with terror, approaching her quickly, trying to remove the spell. 

“The infamous Anders” they heard a voice reaching from behind them “Finally mine to deal with” 

Hawke recognized the voice immediately and Anders stood straight and focused his attention only on Gael. 

“How can you do it?!” suddenly the woman whom Anders wanted to heal yelled angrily “He tried to heal me, he healed many people today, saving their lives!” she kept screaming. 

“Does it matter?” Gael continued. “You ruined the order, Anders. Mages _have_ to be watched, there is no other way. You made a mess out of our lives, you’re the reason some of us believe they can be free and now it’s time for you to pay the price.” 

Hawke wanted to scream but all she could feel was the overwhelming cold, making her unable to move. She knew the spell wouldn’t last long, she’d seen it before. She only hoped she’d have time to save Anders and even though she knew that it was pointless, she focused her whole willpower on reversing the spell. 

“You’re corrupted by the power you held in your Circle” Anders spoke, clenching his fists. Suddenly, Hawke noticed how all the battle sounds were slowly fading away. She could see people in front of her, gathering around them and watching closely. 

“My position in the Circle is now irrelevant” Gael answered. “Mages cannot live freely. They are an easy prey for demons and they should be watched all the time. You know that, don’t you? What is it that you truly want, Anders?” his voice was full of contempt and hatred. Marian desperately wanted to punch him and she breathed quickly when she felt the cold slowly abandoning her body. She couldn’t move yet, but if only Anders could engage his opponent in conversation long enough… 

“I want what everybody else would want!” Anders screamed, anger rising in his voice and Hawke knew how difficult it was to keep Justice away. It was a perfect opportunity for the spirit to express his anger but if anybody saw Anders was possessed by a spirit, he would be lost. “We are people” he continued. “And we deserve our rights! We don’t want to hide in tall towers, cowering from the Templars’ anger! We don’t want to live in fear, wondering whether they would make us Tranquil!” Anders was shouting now, addressing the crowd. “We want to be able to start families, we want to live freely! And we fully deserve it!” 

Hawke didn’t have much time to reflect upon her lover’s eloquent and passionate speech, as several things happened at the same time. The crowd started loudly cheering for Anders and she noticed that even some people who previously were against him, now were enthusiastically screaming his name. She felt the spell fade away and she faltered, trying to stand up. Then, she heard an angry roar coming from Gael’s mouth, followed by a loud noise of his spell. 

When she saw Anders hit by a stone fist coming out of Gael’s staff and his body flying far away, smashing into a tree, she could no longer hold her anger in check. The world seemed to slow down and although her movements were purely instinctive, she knew exactly what to do. In one swift motion she pulled out her dagger and threw it straight into Gael’s body, a furious roar pushing past her lips. She was boiling with anger and wanted the man to suffer. 

When it came to her daggers, Hawke was extremely effective. Years of training turned out to be efficient enough and when the dagger reached Gael’s body, he only had a second to understand what had happened before it penetrated his heart, leaving him lifeless. 

It was only then when Marian raced towards Anders’s body, desperately hoping that this time the Maker wouldn’t ignore her prayer.


	9. Chapter 9

„Please, don’t die, please, be well…” she mumbled silently while running towards Anders’s limp body. She knelt by his side and held him close, leaning over his face, trying to hear his breath. When she saw his chest rising and falling steadily, she let out a silent sob of relief. 

Marian felt a hand on her shoulder and she flinched. She wasn’t exactly sure if the mages were going to be friendly towards them now that she’d killed one of them. When she’d thrown her dagger at the man’s chest, she wasn’t thinking about the consequences. All that mattered was protecting Anders. Now she thought that perhaps it wasn’t the smartest move. 

“Is he all right?” she heard Adney’s silent whisper. Her voice seemed to be full of worry but Hawke couldn’t afford to trust her completely. Not yet. 

“He’s breathing…” she muttered, focusing her eyes on Anders’ face but keeping her senses sharp in case she was forced to protect her lover from the mages’ anger. 

Adney squeezed her shoulder and knelt by Anders’ side as well. 

“Why didn’t you tell us the truth?” she asked, sounding as if she already knew the answer. 

Hawke didn’t answer. There were so many chaotic thoughts gathering in her mind that she had trouble with thinking clearly. Their future was more uncertain than ever and she had no idea what would happen next. Will the mages let them walk away? Unlikely. Marian had killed one of them, in addition this person seemed to be someone important, and not to mention, Anders was one of the most wanted mages in all of Thedas. 

Only one thing was sure. Hawke would protect Anders till her last dying breath. 

“What do we do now?” she heard some voice she didn’t recognize and her heart clenched. Holding Anders even more tightly, her body started shivering almost unnoticeably. Once again, Adney put a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her in a sign of reassurance. 

“First, let’s take care of the wounded” another person spoke commandingly. At these words, Hawke exhaled with reprieve. It meant she and Anders were granted more time. Maybe if he would just wake up, he could heal himself and they would run away. They could find some remote place and live there together, not bothered by others, only the two of them, forever. She started shaking him gently. 

“Wake up, Anders…” she whispered as she tried holding back her tears. “Please, wake up…” 

He winced and slowly opened his eyes, looking as if he didn’t know what had happened. Hawke hugged him, not caring about his painful whimpers, thanking the Maker that he lived. 

“Marian…” Anders muttered, trying to look around and understand what the situation was. 

“Quickly!” Hawke suddenly rushed him, pulling him up, helping him to stand up. “We have to go, we have to run from here, now’s our chance.” 

She caught Adney’s surprised glance but she couldn’t care less. Anders also looked at her with a wordless question in his eyes. 

“We’re not safe here, please” she continued, feeling her heart beat faster. Every second of delay lessened their chances of fleeing. “We _have to_ go.” 

She froze when suddenly Anders put his hands on his head, wincing with pain and moaning. 

“No…” she managed to whisper before he started glowing blue. Hawke caught the sight of Adney backing away with fear. She knew that if they had any chance to flee before, now with Justice revealed they had none. She looked around and noticed with relief that others were too busy looking for survivors. The only person witnessing Justice's outburst was Adney. Terrified, Hawke subconsciously knew that if getting away free meant killing the woman, she'd do that. 

“We cannot go” Justice spoke using Anders's mouth. “We need to act now.” 

Hawke was tired. All she ever wanted was for Anders to be happy but she knew that with Justice living inside of him, it was never going to happen. 

“You cannot decide for him” Marian said, her voice firm and decisive. 

“He agrees with me” Justice answered, coming closer to Hawke. “We will defend mages, we will fight for their rights.” 

“Anders deserves peace” she tried reasoning with the spirit, knowing that the fight was lost from the very beginning. Justice never listened to her, never trusted her. The relationship she had with Anders was the only thing about which Anders was constantly arguing with Justice. 

“Are you going to stand in our way?” Justice asked, hostility easily audible in his voice and Hawke noticed how he started reaching Anders's hands in her direction. “I cannot allow it. You have been a distraction for too long.” 

She backed away, her heart clenching painfully at the sight of her beloved Anders wanting to hurt her. She fully understood this wasn't really him, it was Justice, not Anders, but deep down she couldn't help but feel horrified. Never before did Justice want to attack her. 

She was defensless against him and Justice knew that perfectly. She couldn't do anything to fend him off because she feared she would accidentally hurt Anders. When she felt his cold hands rounding on her throat, she gave up. 

“What are you doing?!” Marian heard Adney's shocked exclamation. 

“Getting rid of a distraction” Justice answered, his voice cold as ice. “We don't need...” he started but suddenly, Anders's body cracked with a blue light again and he stopped mid-sentence. 

He opened his eyes again and Hawke exhaled with relief, wondering how it was possible that with all the emotions that she had experienced in such a short period of time, her heart didn't simply explode by now. 

Marian could see the moment in which Anders's heart filled with fear when he noticed his hands on her neck. 

“Maker...” he whispered with horror, jumping back as quickly as possible. 

“It's all right, Anders, I'm fine” she reassured him but it didn't seem to make him feel any better. 

“I could have... Andraste have mercy on me... I would never...” he mumbled, staring at his hands in dismay. 

“I know it, love, please...” she said, approaching him and taking his hands into hers. “It wasn't you, I know it.” 

When Anders looked in her eyes, she could almost hear his heart breaking into thousands of little pieces. 

“Will somebody tell me what is going on?” they flinched when they heard Adney's irritated voice right next to them. 

“We were just...” Hawke started but for the first time in her life, she felt unable to come up with a convincing lie. How do you explain to someone that your partner is possessed by a raging spirit? 

“We'll explain everything” Anders spoke up when he saw Marian's hesitation. “But first, we need to decide what to do...” he said and looked at Marian again. 

“We need to go, Anders, you're not safe here...” she tried persuading him but when he gently cupped her cheek in an attempt to silence her, she knew he had already made up his mind. 

“Justice is right, Marian” he spoke silently. “We need to stay and fight for our rights. But it's not your fight. I dragged you into this war but I want you to be safe now, you are free, you can leave...” 

“Anders...” she interrupted him, feeling oddly calm. “I thought you'd know it by now” she rest her head on his chest, his arms embracing her tightly. She knew this wasn't going to be an easy path but it was the only right path she could follow. “Your fights are mine, too.”


	10. Chapter 10

War is terrifying. So many people lose their lives, so many dreams shattered, families broken. So many people devoid of a chance to live and enjoy the world. 

Hawke couldn't stop thinking about it while helping Anders take care of the wounded. They were young, old, men and women, all of them hurting because of a misunderstanding. Because they couldn't reach an agreement. Hawke was horrified to see how many people died during the fight. Countless bodies laid by the trees made her tremble with fear. It was only the beginning of their war. What if one day she'd be laying on the ground, limp and lifeless? What if one day she finds Anders, his body smashed, his heart not beating, his eyes staring blankly? 

She looked at him and couldn't cease to marvel on his kindness and patience. He knelt by every person who was in need of help, even if it was only some minor injury. He never refused to use his healing magic although she could see he was getting weaker and weaker. 

Hawke sighed heavily. She'd told Anders she would stand by his side, no matter what and she meant it. She needed to be strong now. 

Adney was following them, helping as well but staying silent. Hawke couldn't decide if the woman was scared of them after witnessing Justice's outburst and assault or simply didn't know what to say anymore. She was certainly worried about her brother and probably it was the only thing of which she could think. Adney and Elton got separated during the fight and she couldn't find him ever since. 

Elton wasn't a skilled fighter. He spent his entire life locked in a Circle, buried in books. He was wise, wiser than anyone Hawke ever knew, but he wasn't strong enough to defend himself. 

So when they noticed his lifeless body and when they heard Adney's terrified scream, Hawke closed her eyes and tried very hard to hold back the tears that welled up in her eyes. 

“No, please... my brother...” Adney kept whispering, holding Elton's body close and rocking back and forth. 

Anders approached the woman and knelt by her side. Hawke could swear she'd never seen Anders with such an expression on his face. It was like a terrifying mixture of guilt and rage. 

“I'm so sorry, Adney...” he said, looking miserably at Elton's body. 

Although Hawke hadn't known the man for very long she could feel grief taking over her heart. How many lives will the war take away? And it's going to be their fault, _they_ want to start it, she and Anders. How many souls would blame them at the end? How many faces will haunt her dreams when it's all over?

Adney didn't answer immediately. She carressed her brother's cheeks, stroke his hair and wept silently. 

“You know...” she finally spoke up, never turning her gaze away from Elton. “He believed in this. He believed every mage has a right to live. He was so hopeful when we decided to...” she stopped mid-sentence and looked straight into Anders's eyes. “We have to fight” she said, her voice firm and confident. “We have to fight for our rights, for Elton...” 

“How are we going to do this?” Hawke heard a hostile voice behind her back and turned around quickly, keeping her hands on the daggers. Her heart was beating fast when she noticed some of the mages approached them, forming a large circle around them.   
Marian glanced at Anders and he slowly stood up from his knees and came close to her. 

“We have no leader, most of the higher ranked mages are dead, others didn't show up...” the man continued, spitting his rage out but also looking as if he had already given up. “We are in no condition to fight, we should just go back and talk to the Templars, maybe they will...” 

He didn't manage to finish his sentence as there was a loud and excited murmuring in the crowd. 

“We are not going back to being the Chantry's slaves!” some woman exclaimed furiously, earning herself an enthusiastic approval. 

“We need to fight!” Hawke flinched when she heard a familiar voice and her eyes quickly moved around the crowd, looking for its source. 

Davin was standing in the crowd, his robes stained with blood and torn in several places, and Kelsie was clinging to him as always, looking more terrified than ever. Although Hawke was angry with the couple for disregarding her advice to run away and hide, she couldn't help but feel relieved to see them alive. 

“Anders can lead us!” suddenly Davin shouted and at his words, there was a disturbing silence. 

Hawke held her breath and her eyes opened wide as she grabbed Anders's hand and held it tightly. Her hope for standing unnoticed in the corner while others would make a decision on what to do next was destroyed. 

“Anders? Why would he want to lead us?” some girl snapped viciously. 

“He was the first one to fight for us!” Davin continued, excitement taking over his voice. “He was brave enough to oppose Templar abuse!” 

“He's right!” someone shouted but Hawke could no longer distinguish between their faces. She was breathing fast, squeezing Anders's hand strongly, focusing on blocking the panic she was beginning to feel. 

“What about that girl?” another man joined in, looking at Hawke. “She's not even a mage, she doesn't belong here!” 

Hawke stiffened with fear and Anders made a step forward, his head raised high and his posture domineering. She tightened her grip on the dagger hilt, the other hand never letting go of Anders's hand. If they wanted to seperate them, they would have to kill one of them first. And neither Hawke nor Anders were planning to allow it. 

“Hawke is with me” Anders's voice was clear and loud, there was no sign of fear in it, he didn't falter. 

“Anders, can you lead us?” a woman finally asked woefully, her eyes still wet from crying. 

“Yes, Anders. We have a war to win. Are you brave enough to do it?” 

Marian could hear her blood rushing through her veins as silence fell over the crowd. It was filled with anticipation, excitement and anxiousness. Everybody expected Anders to speak his mind and although Hawke wished with all her heart his answer was different, she knew from the very beginning what he was planning to do. 

She felt his grip on her hand tighten and she looked at him trying to hide her fright.

It was as if they didn't need words to communicate with each other. A silent question from Anders's part was followed by a wordless consent given by Hawke. A soundless confession of love as a response to a voiceless reassurance of support. 

“Mages!” Anders spoke up loudly, turning his gaze away from Hawke's face but still holding her hand as he addressed the crowd. “For too long we've been oppressed and abused by those who swore to protect us! We need to stand up and fight for what belongs to us! Many of us died today, many will die in the oncoming fights but we have no choice!” he spoke passionately, he didn't hesitate. “For our future and for our children! Are you with me?” 

At first, nobody said a word and for a tiny moment Hawke was afraid they were not going to accept him after all. But then, the sound of their applause nearly made her deaf. They were cheering for Anders, clapping their hands and shouting with joy. 

Hawke looked at Anders, the man she loved more than anything in the world, and she felt terrified and proud at the same time. She couldn't imagine what this decision meant for them but there was one thing of which she was more than sure. 

She loved him and supported him no matter what. Unconditionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to TuboNerd this chapter looks decent. It's as if she was writing it with me, thank you my beautiful wife! <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short break from the Anders/Hawke difficult situation. The main purpose of this chapter is to let you know that Evelyn is choosing to side with Templars.   
> I'm also posting it as a one shot ;)

Cullen looked at his reflection for the hundredth time, making sure his hair looked decent enough to go outside. His hands were trembling and he wasn't sure whether it was because of the lack of lyrium in his veins or because of his nerves eating him alive. 

No longer than a couple of days ago, Evelyn came back from her journey to Val Royeaux, looking more tired and confused than ever, having two additional companions following her. Cullen couldn't decide if he'd like either of them as the two women seemed to be complete opposites. While he was slightly repulsed by Madame de Fer's coldness, he thought the elven girl, Sera, was the most unruly creature he knew. Although it was amusing to see such opposing character's following the Herald, he wasn't surprised. The Herald had a strange, soothing aura around her, even her clumsiness was adorable in a sense. Wherever she appeared, she brought peace and quiet into people's hearts. Whether it was her eyes, always shining brightly with hope, or her laughter which sounded like the most beautiful music Cullen had ever heard, he didn't know and it didn't really matter. What mattered was that she was now with them, she was spending her days in Haven and Cullen was determined to accompany her as often as possible. 

He'd wanted to speak with her in private but at first he was too ashamed to approach her directly, and then there was this stupid accident on the training field. 

He remembered perfectly when Evelyn complained about his armor and he couldn't forget her words ever since. Why would she want him to go around without his armor on? He was the Commander of the Inquisition forces and even if they weren't as powerful as he would want them to be, he needed to represent the Inquisition with pride. Was it really too much? Was he trying too hard and that was why she complained? Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to just... loosen up a little. 

He ran his fingers through his hair one last time and cursing his ridiculous behavior he approached the door. He managed to realize he was the Commander of an army, not some immature, teenage boy and he opened the door. 

Cold, fresh air hit his lungs, making his body shiver at first. It was much colder to walk around Haven without his armor. He never fully realized how much warmth it kept and so he decided it was the last time he agreed to do such a foolish thing. 

_Agreed? Don't be ridiculous, Rutherford. She didn't ask you to do anything, you came up with this stupid idea on your own..._

He fought the sudden urge to go back to his room and dress properly, and he moved to look for the Herald. Cullen didn't want to deceive himself. He knew he had no chance with someone like Evelyn. She was far too good, far too beautiful for such a broken man as himself. However, somehow he wasn't able to keep away from her. The feelings she was bringing up in him were unlike anything he'd ever experienced and he wanted to indulge in them for as long as he could. 

„Soldier!” he shouted to one of the young boys heading towards the training field. 

The boy turned around and looked at his Commander with eyes wide open. 

„Commander!” he saluted and blushed. „You look... different. Sir.” he mumbled. 

Cullen felt his cheeks going red and he thanked the Maker for such a cold weather. Wind and snow were causing red cheeks as much as the embarrassment in which he found himself at that moment. 

„My looks are no concern of yours” Cullen ground out, glaring at the soldier with rage. „What is your name?” he asked to scare the boy a bit. 

„It's Jim, sir!” 

„Very well, Jim” Cullen answered, crossing his arms and making sure his posture was domineering enough. „Have you seen the Herald?” 

„Yes, sir!” the soldier answered, still saluting nervously. „The Herald was seen when she headed towards the lake, sir!” 

„At ease” Cullen snapped and moved in the lake's direction. 

He wasn't sure what the Herald was doing by the lake but he wasn't going to waste her time to no purpose. She was supposed to give them her answer today, she was supposed to decide if she was going to approach the Templars or the Mages. Cullen didn't want to put any pressure on her but he also couldn't just let it go without a fight. Evelyn seemed eager to head to Redcliffe and Cullen would never forgive himself for not trying to change her mind. 

He saw her silhouette from afar and his heart flickered. 

_Get yourself together, Rutherford._ He scolded himself. _She is way out of your reach._

He moved towards her and with every step he took he could see that the Herald was doing something really strange and unusual. 

She was balancing on the bridge's railing, waving her hands to keep balance and walking back and forth. Remembering her exceptional talent for hurting herself in the most unexpected moments, he picked up his pace. 

„Herald!” he spoke, before he managed to think his behavior through. „What are you...” 

He stopped mid-sentence and watched in horror as Evelyn started waving her hands chaotically, one leg hanging down, shouting incoherent sentences. He allowed himself to breathe again only after she managed to stand straight and look at him, giving him the most beautiful smile in the world. 

„Commander!” she exclaimed with joy. „You startled me! Something's wrong?” 

For a moment, Cullen forgot all the words that ever existed as he drowned into her eyes. He snapped out of it quickly when he realized he'd been silent for longer than was considered normal and turning his gaze away, he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. 

„No, n-nothing's wrong, I just... I wanted to talk to you – I mean, ask you – maybe suggest that...” he tried really hard to form an understandable sentence but it was as if his brain refused to work properly. „What are you doing here?” he finally asked, noticing that Evelyn had gone back to walking along the railing. 

„I'm practicing” she answered carelessly. „When I was younger, my father hired a personal tutor for me. He was supposed to teach me how to fight with my daggers. Father was afraid that one day I might need to be able to defend myself and... well, I guess he wasn't wrong after all...” she finished, her voice sounding as unconcerned as ever. 

„ _This_ is your training?” Cullen asked in dismay, carefully observing her moves, fully expecting her fall at any moment. 

„Yes, it helps me keep my balance when I fight” she grinned and made a few steps forward. 

He observed her closely and he had to admit that she was good at whatever she was doing. The railing didn't look stable enough but she managed to walk on it almost effortlessly. Suddenly, Cullen felt he'd really want to see her fighting, realizing that if she survived so long without any serious injuries, she must have been less clumsy when it came to life-threatening situations. 

„Commander?” Evelyn asked. „You wanted to ask something?” 

„Uhm, yes, I did...” he answered nervously. „I, ah.... I was wondering if you made up your mind...” 

„Yes” Evelyn didn't let him finish the sentence and her voice sounded harsh. „I did make up my mind. I'm going to go to Therinfall Redoubt. I'm going to ask the Templars to join our cause.” 

At first, Cullen didn't know what to say. He was sure Evelyn was going to side with the mages and he wasn't prepared for the discussion about the possible dangers resulting from such a decision to end so quickly. 

„I...” he stuttered. „Thank you, Herald...” 

„Evelyn” she said. 

„E-excuse me?” 

„My name is Evelyn” she chuckled. 

„I am aware of that” he explained quickly, feeling as if he was making a bigger fool out of himself with every passing minute. „I just didn't....” 

„You're not wearing your armor” she interrupted again. 

Their eyes finally met and Cullen held his breath. The moment seemed magical for both of them. Cullen could spend the eternity looking into her eyes. She was so beautiful, so fragile, yet strong and brave. Was it possible she could think of him as anything more than simply the Commander of the Inquisition forces? 

Suddenly, Evelyn started waving her hands again as she lost her balance. Cullen opened his eyes wide with horror and he managed to hear her surprised scream before he heard a loud splash. 

„Evelyn!” he screamed and without a moment of hesitation, he took off his red, furry mantle and jumped into the water. 

It was freezing. He could almost feel his hands going numb. Fortunately, the lake wasn't very deep. Cullen grabbed Evelyn's hand and pulled her up. Holding her waist, he swam to the surface and made sure her head was up. Noticing her unconsciousness, he knew he had to act fast. Holding her tightly, he swam to the shore using all the power he had. 

„Maker, let her breathe...” he whispered when he reached the shore and pulled her up. Ignoring the bitter cold ravishing his body, he bent over her and listened to her breath. 

But there wasn't any sign of it. Her chest wasn't moving up and down as it was supposed to do. Cullen didn't allow panic to take over his mind. He remembered he once saw his former Knight-Commander saving a young mage who wanted to escape the Circle swimming through the lake. The mage wasn't strong enough and he started drowning. The Knight-Commander pulled him out of the water, hit the boy's chest several times and blew some air into his lungs. 

Without thinking too much, he started doing the same. Although he was afraid of hurting her, he hit her chest several times and when it didn't work, he took a deep breath, joined his lips with hers and breathed some air into her body. 

Cullen was surprised with his thoughts. He was freezing, soaking wet and exhausted, Evelyn wasn't breathing and was close to dying, and he still managed to think about how soft her lips felt on his. 

Suddenly, she started coughing and spitting out the water that gathered in her lungs. 

„Thank the Maker....” Cullen whispered, still holding her strongly. „Honestly, did you think it was a good idea to balance on the bridge when you can't swim?” he asked with irritation. He wasn't angry with her, not really. 

She breathed in the air, still coughing from time to time and shivering with cold violently. She was unable to give out any sound, other than terribly loud teeth clanging. 

„Come on” he said, pulling her up in his arms. „Let's get you to warmth.” 

He remembered he'd left his mantle on the bridge but decided to get it back later. There was no time to lose. 

„Commander!” one of the guards standing by the gate shouted when he noticed Cullen carrying Evelyn. 

„Get the healers, now!” Cullen yelled. 

There was a sudden commotion as everybody wanted to see what happened. People were screaming with terror, seeing the Herald in such a miserable state, running around wildly looking for any way they could help. 

Cullen couldn't remember what was happening exactly but a couple of hours later he was sitting by the fire, sipping some hot brew prepared by Solas himself, and looking at Evelyn. She was covered in as many blankets as he could find in the room, leaving only one for himself. She was also sipping the brew from her mug but she didn't look at him once. 

„Are you all right now?” he asked, breaking the awkward silence between them. 

„Yes, thank you, I'm...” she hesitated and finally turned her eyes towards him. She looked helpless and embarrassed. „I'm sorry I'm so clumsy...” she mumbled and her cheeks went red immediately. 

Before he said anything, Cullen smiled at her, once again feeling the strange warmth pouring all over his heart. 

„Just promise me you'll find a safer place for your training, all right?” 

„Oh, don't worry about it” she chuckled bitterly. „I don't ever want to be cold again” 

Cullen grinned at her and knew perfectly that she might try to avoid trouble as much as she'd like to, but the trouble would always find her anyway. 

He was going to make sure, he'd be there to protect her every time the trouble found her.


	12. Chapter 12

Hawke couldn't take her eyes off Anders. He was leading the group the whole time, showing them the way, solving their problems and comforting them whenever they needed him. It was unusual for her to witness Anders treated with respect but she knew he fully deserved it. In addition, she noticed how much it changed him, and not only on the inside, but on the outside, too. 

He wasn't slouching anymore. Instead, he stood straight, his head up as if he wanted to show his followers he was brave and capable of being a good leader. There wasn't a shadow of fear in his eyes. Anders focused completely on their cause, doing everything he could to make all the mages believe in their future victory. 

That was why Hawke began feeling lonely. Anders almost never had time to be with her. It's been two weeks since they set off to find a suitable place for a proper encampment and Marian couldn't remember when was the last time she had an opportunity to speak with Anders privately. He was usually surrounded by the mages who advised him on different matters so there was no chance for Marian to steal some of his time. She understood the fact that Anders was now important for a lot of people but she missed him a lot. During the days he barely had time to smile at her from afar. At nights, he was too exhausted to talk to her. But she never complained, she knew it wasn't going to be easy for both of them. Instead of trying to talk to him, she crawled into his strong embrace and kept her eyes open for as long as she could, memorizing his face and listening to his calm breathing. 

Mages didn't like her. She couldn't find any friendly face among them at all., sensing hostility and distrust. Nobody was willing to talk to her, nobody accepted her help, they didn't want to have anything to do with her and Marian couldn't understand why. Ever since Justice's outburst, Adney seemed to have been avoiding Hawke as if Marian was the one who shared the body with a spirit. Davin and Kelsie found a group of young people and they stuck with them. Hawke never blamed them but she couldn't get rid of a terrible burden that laid heavy on her heart. 

She used to have friends. She used to be the life of the party. Spending her days with Varric in the tavern, drinking and playing cards with Isabela, Fenris and Merill. Laughing, joking, feeling at home. She missed them terribly and the thought of their deaths wasn't helping. Hawke needed to talk to Anders about them, she needed to be heard. 

One night Anders hadn't shown up for a long time, she decided to find him. After walking around the camp for a couple of minutes, searching for his characteristic feather cloak, she finally approached a group of people who were on night watch.   
“Excuse me” she started and almost flinched when they turned their hostile gazes towards her. “Have you seen Anders?” she asked. 

“You lost your precious mage?” a woman mocked and crossed her arms. 

“Yeah, your little toy wandered off? Poor Hawke.” one of the men added, supporting his friend. 

Marian didn't intend to listen to their insults. It hurt to hear such things but she wasn't going to let them see her tears. She turned around and made a few steps forward when she felt strong grip on her arm. 

Somebody pulled her back and held both of her hands together so that she couldn't reach for her daggers. Hawke held her breath and tried to remain calm. They wouldn't hurt her, they wouldn't dare... 

“You think you're so smart, huh?” she heard a silent, vicious voice next to her ear. “You think you wrapped Anders around your little finger?” 

Hawke didn't understand why there was so much hatred towards her. Her heart beat fast and she was too scared to give out any sound. Then, she felt another hand touching her bottom, squeezing it forcefully. 

“You might be Anders's whore for now” the words whispered in her ear made her tremble. “But we're going to get you one day and...” the man didn't manage to finish his sentence as a familiar voice interrupted him. 

“What's going on here?” 

Marian couldn't be more grateful when she recognized Anders's voice. When her oppressor let go off her hands, she quickly wiped out the tears and tried to calm her breathing. 

“Marian?” Anders asked worryingly, slowly approaching the group. It seemed as if he didn't see what had happened. “What are you doing here? Is everything all right?” 

Hawke looked at the two men and a woman who attacked her a second ago. There was so much unjustified anger and hostility in their eyes, she felt shivers going down her spine. But then, she looked at Anders. At his face, worried and tired after another long day. Quickly analyzing the situation, she decided not to tell Anders about anything. He didn't need to have more things to worry about and she was in no real danger. Next time they try anything, she'll be ready, she knew how to defend herself. 

_I defeated the Arishok and Meredith._ She thought. _I can handle three mages._

“Yes. Everything is all right” she finally answered. “I was just looking for you. And they showed me the way.” 

Anders nodded his head and reached his hand towards Hawke. 

“Walk with me?” he asked and Marian grabbed his hand. She was fully aware of the group staring at her back but she didn't allow fear to take over her mind. 

Anders was walking next to her in silence, leading her further away from the camp. 

“Where are we going?” she asked with curiosity when she eventually calmed down. 

“Somewhere quiet” he answered. 

They reached a small lake and for a moment Hawke nearly forgot why there were here. The moon reflected in water and there was only a gentle breeze, making the leaves hum silently. It was calm and relaxing and Hawke was sure that if they weren't planning to start a war, they would enjoy the place a lot more. 

“Have you heard the rumors?” Anders asked, crossing his arms and staring at the sky. “About the hole in the sky and the Inquisition?” 

“No, nothing” she just answered and waited for any further explanation, still feeling unsure of why he decided to take her here. 

“We know very little but apparently it's another organization in Thedas” he continued. “We don't know what's its attitude towards magic yet. Some people want me to approach them for help.” 

His voice broke for a minute and Hawke could see for the first time since it all started, how burdened Anders felt. Seeing his pain made her heart break. He took the position of a leader and was wearing a mask of bravery every day. Now, he allowed himself to reveal his exhaustion. Hawke could feel her heart breaking and she knew she wasn't going to tell him about her fears and sadness. Anders had a lot of his own problems, which were far more serious than her own. 

“Do you think I should contact them?” he was still unable to look at her. 

“You're asking me?” she said with a surprise in her voice. 

“Of course I am” Anders sighed heavily. “Many people here want to advise me. They surround me all the time, trying to force their opinions on me. But you're the only one I fully trust, Marian.” 

She tilted his head and cupped his cheeks. They looked into each other's eyes and they both felt the familiar feeling of peace filling their hearts. It was as if they didn't need anything more than each other's presence to feel better. 

“Do you remember first time we met?” she asked. 

“Of course” he smiled and embraced her. “How could I ever forget?” 

“You know I fell for you back then? When you told me about ser Pounce-a-lot I knew you were... special.” they both chuckled at her words. Standing on her toes, she planted a quick kiss on his nose. “And now's the time to show everyone that you _are_ special. You're the one that can make the world a better place. I believe in you, I always had. And I will support every decision you make.” 

She nearly jumped with surprise when he suddenly kissed her. It was a thirsty and a passionate kiss. Marian was hungry for his body and she wasn't planning to let him go easily. 

Slowly, she started working on his robe's laces. Her fingers were clumsy, distracted with Anders's hands trying to take off her armor. It was only because of the years of experience in undressing each other that their naked bodies soon managed to join, causing their senses go mad, making them blind and deaf with desire. They craved each other's touch, their hands wandering around their bodies, trying to cover every inch of their skins. 

Anders hissed when Marian finally grabbed his hard and throbbing member and when she started moving her hand up and down, he couldn't wait any longer. His hands found a way to her core and entered with a sheer force. 

She moaned with pleasure, unable to contain herself any longer. Her desire was stronger than anything else in the world. At that moment, nothing else mattered, only her and Anders, laying in the grass, loving each other unconditionally. 

“I love you” he whispered, kissing her ear, licking her neck, pushing his fingers further into her. 

“I love you” she answered, squeezing his cock just the way he liked, panting loudly and wishing nothing more than to be next to him forever. “I need you” she said and Anders didn't need to be told twice. 

He leaned over her, cupping her face, his eyes devouring her body, memorizing every detail, every freckle she had. 

He entered her with a quick push and closed her mouth with a kiss. She could feel his hard erection and it made her go crazy. She wanted him more and more, insatiable and thirsty. 

“Anders” she whispered his name, causing him thrust in her faster and stronger. 

She came unexpectedly, the pleasure rippling through her, making her unable to distinguish sounds. She clawed into his back and she didn't have to wait long for him to fill her with his seed, groaning against her neck. 

“I love you” he said again, laying next to her and hugging her tightly. 

She felt safe in his arms. Hawke belonged to Anders and he belonged to her. She wasn't going to let anyone come between them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art made by the amazing kupieckorzenny - go and check her tumblr!   
> http://kupieckorzenny.tumblr.com/

„It’s decent enough,” the man spoke and Hawke frowned at his discontented tone. She never understood why it was so difficult to please most of the mages who were following them. _Well, following Anders to be more specific._

“It’s perfect,” she countered his words and smiled brightly at her beloved. 

One could easily notice how exhausted Anders was. Ever since the unpleasant adventure Hawke had lived with the hostile mages, she decided to keep close to Anders. She always tried to be within his eyeshot, which eventually led her to get to know everything that was happening. 

They’d heard strange and slightly terrifying rumors. The hole in the sky definitely didn’t sound optimistic but it also didn’t seem possible. Many mages who were now eagerly advising Anders, trying to force their opinions on their leader, simply didn’t believe and stated the rumor was a vicious lie, spread to lure them straight into the Inquisition’s hands which probably were no different than the Chantry. 

Hawke couldn’t say if she believed the rumor or not and she was glad _she_ wasn’t the one to make such important decisions. On the other hand, she saw what effect it had on Anders. 

He very rarely smiled. Even when she tried to cheer him up with her silly jokes he usually was too lost in his own thoughts to pay attention to her words. Sometimes, Marian saw him hiding behind some rocks or trees, cracking with a blue light and clenching his fists. She knew Justice was fighting harder and harder with each passing day but she decided not to speak with Anders about it yet. 

After a long and tiring journey, they finally found a place in which they could set an encampment. It was a secluded place, hidden deep in the woods and it seemed hard enough for anyone else to find it. They only managed to learn about the place because of the scouts Anders had decided to send ahead. Of course, there was still a need to post guards all the time but at least they had a running water and a shelter. 

It took some time to settle in but eventually people got used to their new life conditions. There were those who adapted into a new situation rather quickly and made good use of their skills and experience, trying to help everyone around them. But there were also those who slowly realized that freedom didn’t have to come with comfort. Fortunately, there had been no serious fights so far and Marian hoped with all her heart it would stay this way. Anders didn’t need more trouble than he already had. 

They managed to section off some space intended for Anders and his advisors to meet from time to time and discuss organizational matters. Initially, there were mainly some minor issues concerning their everyday life in the encampment and although some thought it wasn’t important enough to deal with them, Anders and Hawke always paid attention to every problem. After they had noticed people settled in, Anders decided to assign patrols and scouts who were supposed to inform him about everything they managed to learn. 

Hawke felt proud of her beloved one. He proved to be a capable leader, compassionate and caring but assertive if the situation required. Even though sometimes his doubts were obvious, she knew he was going to make a right decision in the end. She always supported him. 

As much as Hawke allowed Anders to share his fears and doubts almost every day when they fell asleep in each other’s arms, she decided not to inform him about her own problems. Marian didn’t want to burden Anders more than it was necessary. 

The mages never fully accepted her presence, some of them avoiding her whenever she approached them to help, other showing straightforward hostility. She didn’t feel safe, watching her every step, flinching at every sudden noise. She still remembered the words she’d heard from one of the mages. She didn’t belong there, she was a stranger. 

Hawke tried to understand their behavior. Most of the people spent their entire lives locked up in Circles. They didn’t trust outsiders and felt uncomfortable in her presence. She also heard vicious rumors stating she kept Anders under her strict control in order to control all mages in the future. She couldn’t understand why people would think about her this way. She was always kind, always tried to help other with their everyday responsibilities. As days passed, she began to believe there was nothing she could do to change their opinion about her. 

She was lonely. Anders was the only person she could talk to but ever since he was chosen to be their leader, he wasn’t always available to spend time with her. She missed her friends a great deal and sometimes at night when she was laying next to Anders, listening to his calm breathing, she wondered if it was possible that her former companions survived. Her lonelines was slowly killing her. 

Hawke wasn’t the one to sit in one place and wait for others to act. She was a woman of action. At first, she tried occupying herself with something. She was going from one mage to another, asking them if they needed help with anything but most of them mumbled something incoherent and walked away. Sometimes she saw Adney surrounded by some women but ever since Justice’s outburst, Adney didn’t speak with Hawke. 

Thus, when the opportunity presented itself for Marian, she tried changing her miserable situation. 

They gathered around the table and expressed their opinions concerning their next move. Anders was convinced they needed to act. It wasn’t the purpose of their group to stay in one place and hide from the world. They needed to start fighting. 

However, it soon appeared that not every mage in Thedas had the same idea and when Anders read them the letter he’d received from Fiona, everybody began expressing their opinions as loud as they could. 

“She’s crazy! Dealing with Tevinter is not a solution!” one of the men exclaimed. 

“Maybe she’s right?” the other countered. “Maybe we could receive some help from the Tevinter mages?” 

“This is madness. We should fight for our rights by ourselves, we can’t rely on others all the time.” 

“Isn’t that a bit dangerous to side with Tevinter? I heard they are not to be trusted.” 

Hawke observed Anders carefully. He was confused and she couldn’t blame him. The letter was vague enough to be worried. Fiona didn’t give them any specific information, stating that siding with Tevinter was the only way they could gain their rights, asking the rest of the mages to join her and her group. 

“We need to have more information,” Anders eventually spoke, rubbing his temples. “We need to send scouts.” 

“Send scouts to spy on Tevinter mages who huddled up in Redcliffe?” someone repeated Anders’s words in dismay. “It’s a suicide mission!” 

“If I am to decide what to do,” Anders retorted, his voice decisive. “I need to know more. I need to understand the situation, I need to know on what terms they are siding with Tevinter. We will send scouts but only those who are willing to take up such a dangerous mission.” 

A silent question lingered in the air. Who would be brave and fool enough to volunteer for such a dangerous mission? 

“I’ll go,” Hawke suddenly spoke up and almost shivered when all their eyes fixed on her. 

Silence fell upon the group as they eyed each other carefully, everybody too afraid to say anything. 

Everybody except for Anders. 

“No,” he stated, glaring at Hawke. 

“I am perfectly capable of doing it,” she retorted. She expected Anders’s answer was going to be negative and she was prepared to defend her decision. Marian couldn’t imagine staying in one place a day longer. 

“No,” Anders repeated and crossed his arms. 

“Anders, just listen to me...” she started but he raised his hand silencing her words. 

“That would be all for today. Leave us, please,” he said, still looking at Hawke. 

Marian felt her heart beat faster. She didn’t want to argue with Anders but she also couldn’t stand waiting around for things to happen while she did nothing. The mages left the couple with silent murmuring. Hawke could swear she heard her name coming out of their mouths but she decided to turn a deaf ear. 

“Love, listen to me, I can do it,” she started but she stopped, as Anders turned his back on her. 

“I said: no. I am NOT sending you to spy on the Tevinters,” he said. 

“But Anders, you know I’m good at sneaking, I would go there unnoticed, nobody would know I’m even there. I’ll be careful, I promise...” she pleaded. 

“Marian, there is absolutely no discussion here,” he interrupted again. 

She approached him quickly in order to look at his face, as he was still avoiding her eyes. 

“Anders, please. I can’t just stay here all the time, this is my chance to do something important,” she tried convincing him again and put a hand on his cheek. 

“No!” he screamed with anger and frowned. “I am not putting you in danger again, there is no way you’re going to talk me into it.” 

“But Anders...” 

“NO!” he yelled and brushed off her hand. “I am the leader now, I make decisions and my decision is final! You’re not going to put yourself in danger, no! This isn’t _your_ war anyway!” 

Hawke held her breath and froze. She couldn’t believe his words. 

“Is that what you think?” she asked her voice cold as ice. 

Anders finally turned to her, his eyes wide open, full of disbelief and terror. Hawke could see he didn’t mean it but it didn’t change the fact he’d said it. And she wasn’t the one to forget easily. 

“I’m sorry...” he mumbled. 

Marian almost snorted at his words. A minute ago he yelled at her as if he was just her leader, not her lover, and now he looked lost and terrified. Although her heart broke seeing all the emotions rushing through his face, she couldn’t stop. 

“Don’t. I get it,” she said. “I’m not one of you. You’re just some fucking elite to which I can’t join because there’s no magic flowing through my veins. Thank you, Anders. You made it clear now,” venom was spilling through her mouth in an unstoppable way and her hands trembled. 

“No, Marian, it’s not that, I just...” he begged. 

“I said: don’t,” she concluded and ran away from the cave. 

It was only when she found a secluded place that she decided to stop. She fell down on her knees and burst into tears. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Evelyn was standing by the lake, observing the lake’s calm sheet, her thoughts running wild. It had been three days since she came back from the Therinfal Redoubt, bringing what was left of the Templar Order to Haven. She wasn’t sure whether her decision was the right one. Doubt gnawed at her heart as the memories of the Envy demon’s words haunted her mind.

Ever since they came back, she barely spoke to anyone, hiding in the corners, running away from the people who wanted to speak with her. The disappointment she saw in Cullen’s eyes when she informed them about her decision to disband the Order was still the first image coming to her mind when she was waking up in the morning. Evelyn wasn’t sure whether she felt overwhelmed with all the responsibility everybody threw on her, or irritated with the fact that no one ever asked her if she was willing to take it.  
She was just a regular, normal girl. How could she make important decisions like that? She had no experience, no useful knowledge... Why was everybody so stubborn when it came to their confidence in her skills? A clumsy, average, not even that pretty a girl, that’s who she was. Definitely not a good material for a leader.

“You’re not planning to swim in the lake again, are you?” Evelyn heard Cullen’s voice approaching her quickly and she turned around to face him.

“N-no...” she mumbled, taking a step back. 

“No, don’t go,” Cullen said, noticing she wanted to run away again. “Herald, have I offended you in any way? Please, do tell me...” 

They looked in each other’s eyes and didn’t say a word, both of them terrified. 

Cullen was trying to speak with Evelyn numerous times but she always found some kind of an excuse and he had no idea what it could mean. Of course, he had been angry with her when the news of disbanding the Order reached him but he managed to reason with her choice. The Order had been dysfunctional for a long time. The change Evelyn brought to the world was tremendous but it was required if the Inquisition was to matter in the end. 

But Cullen didn’t want to talk about the Templars. Evelyn came back from the Therinfal Redoubt without wounds but she seemed different. Her joyous attitude disappeared completely, leaving Haven silent and somewhat empty, devoid of her laughter which buoyed everyone’s morale, made everyone smile at the sound of their Herald's happiness. She used to run around, talk to anyone who was willing to have a conversation with her, she even used to play with children, show them the strange mark on her hand. Now, she hid in the darkest corners and sometimes Cullen could swear he saw her crying. 

Evelyn shivered whenever she saw any of her companions. The dark future she saw when the demon invaded her mind was haunting her all the time. What if she really was going to be such a cruel leader? What if it was all true, what if it was going to happen? What if... 

“Of course not,” she finally spoke. “I’m just...” 

She hesitated. Crossing the boundary was never a problem, she was the one to insist he called her by her first name. But now? Was this how a true and responsible leader would behave? 

“What is it?” Cullen asked, taking a step forward. 

“Did I do the right thing?” Evelyn blurted out and blushed. She lowered her head and turned her back on Cullen, trying to hide the tears which welled up in her eyes. “Siding with the Templars, disbanding the Order... hell, even going to the Conclave to begin with... I’m not the right person to make such important decisions...” 

“There is no way you could measure if the decisions you take are right,” Cullen said, approaching Evelyn and putting a hand on her shoulder. “None of the leaders can have this confidence you’re missing. Your actions may affect many people but in the end, you’re left with your feelings and you need to live with the consequences. Do you think siding with the Templars was a bad decision after all?” he asked and stood in front of her to look into her eyes. 

She felt lost but somehow Cullen managed to guide her, to show her there was a way to deal with all the darkness the demon left within her. 

“No,” she answered silently. “We need them and they needed us.” 

“Do you think disbanding the Order wasn’t the right move?” he asked again, tilting her head so that she had no way of escaping his eyes. 

“No, not really...” she admitted. “And you?” 

“What I think is of no importance,” he explained, his voice gentle and kind. “You have to live with what you did, with the consequences.” 

“But I care about your opinion, Cullen,” she said boldly, feeling her cheeks burn. “You seemed angry and disappointed when I came back...” 

“Is that why you’ve been hiding from the world?” he chuckled. “I am not. I admit I was reluctant at first but then I saw reason in your action. I want you to know I fully support you.” 

Evelyn shuddered as she remembered the images Envy showed her. She knew Cullen was telling the truth. He would follow her with loyalty, even if it meant destroying everything they encountered. 

“Do I have to be the leader?” she whined jokingly. “Let someone else do it, someone more capable... Cassandra, why isn’t she the leader?” 

Cullen laughed and Evelyn couldn’t help but wonder why his laughter made her heart jump with joy. 

“Don’t worry,” he said. “You’re not alone. For now, it looks like we are all leading in a way.” 

She turned her eyes towards the lake again and fell silent. Which path should she go? How many decisions lay up ahead? How many lives were going to be affected because she, Evelyn Trevelyan, _decided_. 

“Cullen?” she finally spoke. 

“Yes, Herald?” 

Evelyn grimaced and elbowed the Commander. “I told you I’m Evelyn.” 

“Right,” he smiled, feeling strange warmth pouring over his heart and at that moment he knew. He knew he fell for the Herald of Andraste, for the girl with the green mark on her hand. For Evelyn Trevelyan. “Evelyn, I’m sorry. What is it?” 

“If I make one more decision... will you follow me?” she asked with hesitation. 

Cullen wanted to reassure her he would follow her everywhere. _Maker, I would go into the Fade to save you._ But it was far too early for such confessions. He didn’t want to scare her away as he wasn’t even sure she returned the feeling. 

_After we seal the Breach._ He thought. _I’ll tell her then._

“Of course. Always.” He reassured and Evelyn’s heart pounded loudly. 

“I want to go to the mages as well. We need them and they need us.”


	15. Chapter 15

Marian stopped attending the meetings Anders held with other mages. For a couple of days after their argument, she couldn't force herself to speak with him. At nights, they laid next to each other silent, both of them staring at the walls with an empty hole in their hearts. Anders tried to apologize but Marian didn't want to listen. She would always run away or hide and he quickly stopped his attempts to find her during the day. 

While he was busy trying to establish the future of their group, she finally managed to somehow connect with some of the people. Marian Hawke knew how to be stubborn and how to make others seek her presence. 

“Miss Hawke, not like this,” a grey-haired woman said, seeing her clumsiness. “You have to make it straight, otherwise it would tear apart very quickly.” 

“All right...” she sighed and ripped the material once again. “And by the way, I told you to call me Hawke, I'm not a miss,” she smiled and tried to thread a needle again. 

She was hopeless when it came to sewing. Hawke had a soul of a warrior, she knew how to fight with her daggers, how to make enemies scream, their voices filled with horror and shock as she snuck upon them and struck unexpectedly. But threading a needle? Sewing torn clothes? Washing dirty robes? 

“It's not that difficult,” a girl chuckled. Her hair was red and her face was covered in freckles. She seemed to be very young but Marian knew appearances can be deceiving. She still had trouble remembering all their names and it felt awkward as everybody knew exactly who she was – Marian Hawke, Anders's non-magical lover. “Come on, let me show you one more time.” 

Marian sat by her side and watched with amazement how quick and precise the movement of her hands was. 

“That is amazing,” she said. “I'll never be this good.” 

The girl laughed wholeheartedly. “It's just sewing. Back in the Circle, I used to spend a lot of time with Alice,” she pointed her head towards the woman who was sitting with them. “Sewing the robes or embroidering some blankets. There wasn't much else you could do so it was just to kill the time...” 

“Was it hard?” Marian asked. “I mean, not the sewing, that must have been a nightmare,” she smirked. “But... life in the Circle? Was it difficult?” 

The girl stopped moving the needle and gazed to the side. “It was... all right, I guess?” she said and shrugged her shoulders. “Apart from the boredom and the lack of freedom, I mean. But it wasn't bad. Our Circle was one of the better ones though, not everybody has the same experience...” 

“Natalie's right,” the woman chimed in. “I heard terrible stories of Templar abuse in other Circles. I guess we may call ourselves lucky but there are girls and boys who can't say the same. We have to be grateful we got a chance to fight for our freedom.” 

After her words, there was a silence, which Marian was too afraid to break. She focused on the needle in her hand, knowing she would never patch the robe up properly. 

“Change of subject,” Natalie grinned suddenly, interrupting the uncomfortable silence. “So, what is it that our leader plans to do now? You must know everything since you're-” 

“I don't,” Marian spoke up, her voice a bit too harsh. “I'm sorry...” she apologized immediately. “I know nothing of Anders's plans.” 

“Something happened between the two of you?” Natalie asked with worry. 

“Natalie!” Alice reprimanded her younger friend. 

“No, no, it's all right,” Hawke quickly defended her new friend, feeling grateful she finally could speak with someone. “We argued a bit, that's all.” 

“Anything serious?” Natalie asked. 

“I'm not sure yet,” Marian smiled, trying to hide her heartbreak. 

“Leadership is not an easy task,” Alice said, never stopping to sew the holes on the robes. “It puts a lot of constraints and weight on the person who is supposed to be responsible for others. Remember that, Marian. Anders might need your support.” 

Hawke bit her lips and didn't say anything, feeling anger boiling in her heart. 

Wasn't she always supportive and caring? Wasn't she there for him ever since they met in his clinic? She always accepted him, no matter what. She didn't run away when Justice revealed himself, didn't run away when he lied to her, when he blew up the chantry without telling her about it. She was always there for him and how did he repay? 

_This isn't your war anyway!_

But could she abandon him now? After all they'd been through together? Loving Anders hurt, it was true, but Hawke was stubborn. She wasn't going to give up now. 

“Anyway,” Natalie spoke up. “I think you should make up with your lover quite soon, there are many girls here who just wait to jump into his arms and take your place.” 

Hawke's heart skipped a beat and she hissed as she felt the needle's sting. There was a small drop of blood falling down to the ground. 

“Here, let me...” Alice spoke up, gently grabbing her hand. She healed the tiny wound on Hawke's finger in a matter of seconds. 

“What do you mean?” Hawke asked, glancing at Natalie with curiosity. “The other girls?” 

“It's just the rumors I heard,” the girl chuckled. “Apparently, Anders is now a very desired man. I guess it must be something with powerful man that makes the girls go crazy... Anyway, don't be surprised if they hate you cause they're jealous as...” 

“Natalie!” Alice interrupted again with a clear warning in her voice. 

Hawke furrowed her eyebrows, trying to decide what exactly was the feeling that was born in her heart. Was that... jealousy? She held back a bitter snort as she knew it was ridiculous.Anders loved her, he would never look at another. Why did she feel threatened? 

“Do you know who...” she started but a sudden commotion interrupted her words. 

“Hawke!” she heard someone's scream. There was a man running into her direction. Marian recognized him, she was teaching him how to use daggers just a day before. “You need to come with me,” he panted out. “There are people there... they say they know you but...” 

“Calm down, Trevor,” Hawke replied as she stood up and put a hand on his arm. “What's going on?” 

“It'll be easier to just show you,” he said and grabbed her hand. 

Hawke didn't have time to react, she just followed him wondering what could have happened that required her attention. Her heart trembled with fear when she thought that something happened to Anders. 

They ran towards the cave's entrance and when they reached their destination, Hawke stopped dead in her tracks as she saw faces she was sure were lost to her forever. The three faces she thought she was never going to see again. All of them tied up and forced to sit on the ground, their backs touching. 

Merill looked at the mages who surrounded them with eyes wide open and Hawke knew there was fear and incomprehension ravishing her mind. Marian wondered how many time the elf tried to convince their attackers their group never had bad intentions. 

Isabela's eyes were filled with self-confidence, her aura provocative, as if she wanted the mages to attack her on purpose. She licked her lips, trying to catch the men's attention. 

Fenris glared at everyone with pure rage. There was a grimace of contempt on his face and the elf seemed to be ready to just rip everyone apart. Hatred beamed from him, causing shivers down Hawke's spine. 

Marian could barely stand on her own, her legs suddenly becoming weak and wobbly, her hands shaking uncontrollably. They were _alive._

“Let them go!” she exclaimed, running to the men who held her friends hostage. 

All of the eyes turned to her at once, but only the ones she held dear filled with relief. 

“We found you!” Merill exclaimed with joy. 

“Why did you bring her here?” One of the mages turned to Trevor reproachfully. “She's not the one giving the orders!” 

“Let them go immediately!” Hawke exclaimed, holding back the tears. “They're not our enemies!” 

“You're not in charge here, Hawke,” the man spat. “We don't have to listen to you.” 

Hawke clenched her fists, trying not to use her daggers, trying to keep calm. “I don't care if you think I'm not in charge. You _will_ let my friends go.” 

The man approached her, staring straight into her eyes with so much hatred she shivered involuntarily. “And if I won't?” he asked, his voice silent, barely a whisper. 

She was ready to attack or to defend herself, depending on how the situation would resolve but she didn't get a chance to decide. 

“What's going on here?!” Anders shouted, approaching them quickly. “Maker...” he whispered when he saw his former companions on the ground, tied up like some prisoners. 

“Anders!” Hawke exclaimed, moving towards him. “Tell them to let our friends go!” she demanded. 

To her relief, there wasn't even a slightest moment of hesitation on Anders's part. 

“Do as she says,” he stated. 

After a few minutes, they were all standing up and rubbing their wrists. 

“You definitely know how to disappear, Hawke,” Isabela spoke up while Merill simply ran into Marian's arms, hugging her closely. 

“You found me,” she whispered, finally allowing herself to let a single tears fall down her cheek. 

“Of course, we found you,” Isabela snorted. “You're not getting rid of us so easily. Anders, how have you been, how's the...” she turned towards him but he had already turned around, intending to leave. 

“I'm sorry, I have no time to...” he said. “I have some... business to attend to.” he said and left quickly, never even looking at Marian. 

“What's his problem?” Isabela asked. 

“He's just... busy,” Hawke responded evasively. “Come, let's sit somewhere quiet,” she continued, ignoring hostile glances she received from the other mages. “You _have to_ tell me everything!”


	16. Chapter 16

“So... this is where you live now?” Isabela asked, looking around. 

“Yeah...” Hawke answered, unable to stop smiling. She got her friends back and nothing could make her feel bad at that moment. To see their faces, to be able to speak with them again... it was more than she could have ever hoped for. “It's not a lot but at least we're hidden from the Templars and-” 

“You're not a mage,” Fenris interrupted. “You shouldn't hide from the Templars like they do.” 

“Oh, leave her be,” Isabela elbowed the elf. “We just found her, you can nag after we talk.” 

Fenris sat down on a rock and crossed his arms, looking expectantly at Hawke. 

“It's so nice here!” Merill exclaimed with joy. “It's chilly and there's water, and everybody's together like a big family!” 

Marian gave her a weak smile, trying not to show them how lonely she had been feeling in this place. She didn't want to worry them. 

“Come on, sit down,” she said. “Tell me everything! I still can't believe you're alive, after what happened in Kirkwall I was sure I was never going to see you again. What happened?” 

“Well, we'd be dead if not for Varric. That dwarf certainly knows his way around the damned city...” Isabela said, sitting next to Marian. “We fought a bit but we managed to escape. And then we went to look for you. Both of you.” 

“Details, Isabela!” Hawke exclaimed and grinned. “You don't think I can let you just skip through the story like that. Where's Varric? Where's Shadow?” 

Silence which fell after her words, made her heart skip a beat. She could see how much they tried to hide it from her and how miserably they failed. 

“What is it?” she asked silently, her eyes lowered as she was too afraid to hear the words. 

“Well, we don't know where Varric is,” Isabela started. “He disappeared shortly after we escaped from the Templars and we haven't heard from him since. I bet he's still alive, though, that dwarf is impossible to kill, I tell you.” 

Marian felt a bit better knowing her dwarven friend was probably all right but she steeled herself for the news that were going to come. She didn't want to hear the words but she also didn't want to say them out loud. Glancing at her friends with uncertainty, she held her breath in anticipation. 

“About your mabari...” Isabela spoke up but she hesitated. 

“He fell in the battle,” Fenris continued, his tone much friendlier and compassionate than before. “We couldn't help him. I'm sorry.” 

Hawke shut her eyes to calm down. Shadow, her faithful mabari had been with her family forever. She didn't remember what it was like not to have him by her side and as she thought about it, she felt a huge, empty hole in her aching heart. Another Hawke passed away. 

“I guess I'm the last one now...” she murmured. 

“I'm sorry for your loss, Hawke,” said Merill as she put a hand on Marian's shoulder. “Here,” she reached her other hand to Hawke. “We took it because we were sure you'd want to keep that.” 

It was a collar. Shadow's collar. 

“T-thank you. It's... all right,” she responded, swallowing her tears. “I'll be all right.” 

“Of course you will, honey,” Isabela chimed in. “But it doesn't mean you have to go through it alone. Even if you can't count on your lover boy, you have us now.” 

“What?” Hawke asked, her eyes opened wide. She quickly decided it wasn't the time to mourn her faithful, four-legged friend. If life taught her anything, it was definitely a necessity to enjoy the company of the ones she loved. They all had this strange habit of disappearing quickly. “I can always count on Anders!” 

“Really?” the pirate queen asked with suspicion. “It didn't seem like it.” 

“He's just... he's busy now,” Marian explained, trying to sound convinced. “He was chosen a leader and-” 

“What?” Fenris ground out, hearing the news. “So it's true?” 

“We heard rumors,” Isabela explained. “Nothing certain, though. People say the mages are divided into two groups now and that Anders is leading one of them.” 

“These aren't rumors,” Hawke said. “It's true.” 

Marian spent several minutes explaining to her friends how she and Anders ended up in such a place. 

“I see,” Isabela commented when Hawke finished her story. “Interesting. Well, our story isn't as colorful as yours.” 

“We traveled a long way to find you, Hawke,” Fenris chimed in. “But I'm happy to see you alive.” 

“Have you heard anything about this whole Inquisition?” Marian asked with curiosity, knowing that her friends had a better chance than her to overhear some rumors. 

“Well, they say the sky tore apart,” Isabela answered with a careless voice. “But people say all sorts of weird things...” 

“We heard they sided with the Templars,” Fenris added. “Or that they're planning to do it.” 

“Yeah, but we also heard that their leader is the Maker's bride herself, just like Andraste,” Isabela said with irony. “My advice? Don't believe everything you hear.” 

Isabela, Fenris and Merill settled in easily in the mages' camp, almost never leaving Marian's side, helping as much as they could. Although Fenris glared at everyone and eveything that moved around, he didn't say a word of complaint even once. 

Until one afternoon, several days later. 

“I can't believe you let them treat you like that, Hawke.” he stated, approaching Marian who was in the middle of cleaning a pile of dirty robes. 

“What?” she asked without looking away from what she was doing. 

“You're a _warrior_ , not a maid.” Fenris continued. “Why are you cleaning their dirty laundry? Are they not able to deal with it themselves?” 

Marian glanced at her friend with a sad smile plastered on her face. She still remembered the words that Anders spoke in a moment of anger and they still hurt. Especially since they stopped talking at all. Anders didn't try to make up with her and Hawke was too proud to reach out her hand as a sign of peace. She missed him terribly, aching for his warmth each and every night but she also knew she couldn't let go so easily. 

The only thing that bothered her more than her lover's silence was the small crowd of young women which seemed to follow Anders at every step. Hawke knew that people who held some kind of power were always perceived more attractive but she never expected Anders, _her_ Anders would be surrounded by his _fans_. 

“It's fine, Fenris,” Marian responded, flinching at the sound of the irritating giggling and looking around only to see the familiar feminine faces laughing loudly and pointing fingers into her direction. Hawke rolled her eyes and came back to what she had been doing before Fenris interrupted. 

“They don't like you,” her elven friend stated matter-of-factly. 

“So it seems,” she said, putting much more energy into cleaning the robes. “What a stupid stain...” she mumbled. “Why doesn't it come off...” 

“They're jealous,” Fenris continued, locking his eyes on Hawke and observing her carefully. 

“Whatever,” Marian muttered, rubbing the material fiercely. “Stupid robe... it will stay dirty forever...” 

“They're pretty,” Fenris added. 

“If you say so,” Hawke ground out, focusing all her attention on the dirty clothes in her hands. 

“They-” Fenris tried to speak but Hawke interrupted him immediately. 

“I know, Fenris!” she shouted, making sure he was the only person able to hear her. “They're young, beautiful and they're mages. Is there anything else that you'd like to add or can I just return to my-” 

She stopped when she felt a sting of cold on her hands and with a surprise mixed with fear, she looked down only to see her hands frozen in the bucket of water, still holding the robes she couldn't clean. 

“Maker...” she whispered, steeling herself, promising not to do anything, just ignoring the vicious giggling that reached her ears. 

“You there!” Fenris yelled, turning towards the group, unsheathing his sword, his lyrium marks glowing dangerously. 

The girls reacted instantly, shrieking with horror and running away as fast as they could. The ice on Hawke's hands thawed as they fled, leaving them red and hurting. 

“Are you all right, Hawke?” Fenris asked with worry, kneeling by her side and taking her hands into his, trying to warm them up. 

“I'm fine,” she responded using her usual phrase, staring at the water in the bucket in dismay. She was utterly shocked that they could do something like that even though she never showed the mages anything else than compassion and understanding. “I'm fine.” 

Although Fenris insisted on informing Anders about the situation, Hawke was decided not to do it. She didn't want to bother her lover who was busy enough without her complaining. She could handle it on her own. 

Perhaps if she had told him about it, everything would have turned out differently in the end.


	17. Chapter 17

“You look better, Herald,” Cassandra stated when Evelyn entered the room to join the meeting. 

“I told you to call me Evelyn,” she said with a hint of irritation in her voice but with a playful smile on her face. 

She indeed felt much better. After talking to Cullen, she had an impression of a heavy burden falling down from her heart, which allowed her to breathe much easier. Whenever she looked at him, she felt strength building up inside of her, making her able to deal with everything the fate was throwing under her feet. 

Cassandra looked as if she wanted to respond, explaining once again why she insisted on using Evelyn's title but Josephine spoke up just as Cassandra opened her mouth. 

“You wanted to meet with us, Herald,” she said, scribbling something in her notes. 

“Yes, I did,” she agreed and glanced at Cullen with uncertainty. 

“If it's about the newly recruited Templars,” Josephine continued, never even looking at Evelyn. “We have already made sure they acclimated well in Haven. We should be ready to deal with the Breach once they settle in, probably in two, maybe three days.” 

“Yes, but-” 

“If you're worried about the lyrium supplies for the Templars...” Josephine interrupted. 

“Ex-Templars,” Cullen chimed in annoyed. 

“... we have secured supplies of lyrium that would last for as long as they need it. In case they run out of the liquid, we are perfectly able to order some more. The decision to address the Templars was very smart, it made us gain more influence than I have ever expected.” 

“Yes, about that...” Evelyn tried again but this time Leliana was the one who spoke faster. 

“We should get ready to seal the Breach,” she said and Evelyn gulped, terrified with the vision. “The situation should be under control when we do it, we cannot afford to wait any longer.” 

“But I would like to-” 

“We should discuss it with the Templars,” Cassandra said. “Go over the tactics, how they're going to use their powers and-” 

“ _Excuse me but I would like to say something!_ ” Evelyn finally yelled, making every woman in the room finally look at her and earning herself a satisfied smirk from Cullen's part. 

“I'm sorry, Herald,” Josephine was the first one to snap out of her initial shock. “What is it?” 

“I'd like to address the mages as well,” she said and she could swear her heartbeat could be heard from every corner of the room. Nobody was saying anything for quite a long time as the words she said slowly sunk in their minds. 

“You... What?” Josephine asked, her face grimaced with surprise and horror. “But that would require us to deal with all the political consequences and it would take time to-” 

“Exactly,” Leliana added. “Time which we do not have. It is impossible, Herald, we have warned you that you can only choose one side in this conflict to-” 

“And why is that?” this time Evelyn was the one to interrupt. She could no longer listen to their statements about her having to make the choice. “Why are we not able to side with both Templars _and_ mages? And don't tell me about the political consequences, we can deal with them when it's people's lives we're talking about. Mages suffer as much as the Templars did and they need our support. We _cannot_ choose ones and let others die!” 

“But, Herald, we should deal with the most important threat now...” Josephine tried to reason with Evelyn. 

“These people suffer!” Evelyn shouted, slowly losing her patience. “Just as we are talking they are dealing with war!” 

“We are dealing with war as well,” said Leliana. 

“Yes, _we_ are leading the war against them because you said there was no other way. The mages rebelled and if we wanted to gain more influence, we had to act – these are your words, Leliana!” Evelyn clenched her fists and hit the table, making everyone flinch. “You are all trying to make _me_ responsible for this. You're trying to make _me_ decide but I won't stand for it. You won't make me kill these people only because I decided to reach out a friendly hand to the other group. We _will_ address the mages and we _will_ offer them peace. _That's_ how I want to decide.” 

Everybody fell silent again and as they stared at Evelyn in dismay and shock, they slowly realized she was telling the truth. She had every right to be angry with them. 

“Herald, we're sorry,” Josephine said. “You're right. We shouldn't deal with mages like that. But we simply cannot afford more time right now.” 

“Josephine's right,” Leliana added. “We may go to the mages but only after we seal the Breach. The Templar forces are enough now to help us with it.” 

Evelyn gritted her teeth and turned her back on the rest of the group, crossing her arms and shutting her eyes. The memories of the Envy demon's vision still haunted her mind and the thought of herself turning into that monster from the vision made her tremble. 

She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and gasped. 

“Herald,” she heard Cullen's silent voice. “I'll make sure our forces that were sent to resolve the mages' issue know they should retreat. I follow you and support your decisions.” 

“So do I,” Cassandra stepped forward and also put a hand on Evelyn's shoulder as a sign of her full support. “I know our beginning may have been difficult but I have faith in you. You have my sword and my shield.” 

Evelyn smiled as the tears welled up in her eyes and she turned around only to see Leliana and Josephine smile at her as well. 

“The sooner we seal the Breach,” Leliana summarized. “the sooner we can go to the mages.” 

\--- 

_Cease all the military action in the area of the supposed mages' activity. The Herald requires the presence of her army in Haven immediately._

_-Commander Rutherford_

General Tomas Caudell was a pious man. He firmly believed in the Maker and that his bride, Andraste, was once walking among the people. The first and the last thing he did everyday was say a prayer, begging the Maker for Thedas to be safe, and free of the mages' plight. 

He wasn't always such a firm enemy of people who were touched with the plight of magic in their veins. He used to tolerate them as long as they were locked up in Circles and watched over by the Templars. 

He grew up on a farm so he didn't see many mages around but his mother told him colorful stories about what such people are capable of and how they can kill someone with a snap of their fingers. And so each night when his mother locked the door to his bedroom, he'd kneel by the side of his bed and pray to the Maker to save his family from the bad, magic-wielding people. 

And each night he heard father banging on the door as he got drunk to the state when he could no longer control himself, Tomas prayed to the Maker to save his mother from his father's fists. 

And when he heard mother's sobbing as she wrapped her wounds with dirty, used up bandages, he prayed that the Maker would save him and his mother from father's fury. 

But when his father died, kicked by a cow in the head, bled out of the field as there was nobody else around that could help him, Tomas prayed but it was a thankful prayer. Maker listened to him and saved him. 

Tomas Caudell spent the rest of his youth with his mother, never leaving her side, always making sure she had everything her heart desired and listening to her venomous lies about the mages' nature that she poured into his mind everyday. One evening, he knelt by his bed as always and prayed to the Maker to kill all the mages so that they can never threaten him or his mother. 

He heard about the fledgling army forming in Haven and he was convinced the Maker gave him a chance to earn more money. He enlisted quickly and soon he was one of the best soldiers in Commander Rutherford's army, climbing up the ladder of ranks. His stubbornness and ability to learn fast allowed him to become one of the Lieutenants and when he heard there's a chance to fight the rebel mages, he didn't waste a second and volunteered to lead the soldiers for war with the people who infected the ground on which Andraste used to walk. 

“Lieutenant.” A soldiers saluted, glancing at his supervisor with uncertainty. After the Lieutenant opened and read the message from the Commander, he didn't move or react in any other way, staring at the piece of paper with a poker face. “Is everything all right?” 

“The Commander's orders,” Tomas responded. “We should continue the fight. Reinforcements will arrive shortly.” 

Tomas's heart beat fast when he was left alone in his tent. 

It was his chance to finally bring justice to the vast majority of Thedosian mages, to show them they don't have a right to walk among the normal, pious people. He was not going to waste it. 

\--- 

“I received reports about the increased activity of our enemy,” Anders said, looking at the men who gathered around the wooden table. “We're still holding up but we need to do something before we lose this war. Did you manage to find out whose forces keep fighting us?” 

“Not really, sir, no,” the young boy responded, almost saluting. Perhaps if it happened several days ago, Anders would snort and tell the boy not to call him 'sir' but he got used to people treating him as if he was the remedy for their suffering and he grew tired of setting them straight. No matter how many times he explained that he was just another mage like them, they couldn't stop addressing him with all sorts of strange titles. 

“It's all right,” Anders responded. “Gather your team and try again. We need to know more about our enemy if we are to stand any chance against the attacking army.” 

The boy left the group with worry written all over his face and Anders sighed heavily. He wished Marian was here. The sight of her always made him feel better. He remembered how her laughter made him smile wide, how her touch sent shivers down his spine... he missed her terribly. 

“We _cannot_ let them win,” he continued, turning to the group. “Let's gather again tomorrow and see if we found out anything new. You all know your tasks. Dismissed.” 

The mages left Anders alone without saying even one word of protest. When Anders was sure no one was around, he rubbed his forehead and leaned against the wall. It was all beginning to be too much for him and although Justice was convinced they had been going the right direction, Anders couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with the situation. 

“Well, I heard people say power could be sexy,” he suddenly heard a familiar voice and turned around only to see Isabela approaching him slowly. “But now I can confirm it myself.”


	18. Chapter 18

“Isabela,” Anders said. “What are you doing here? Have you been hiding here throughout the whole meeting?” 

“Of course, I have,” she responded with a smirk on her lips. “I'm an excellent rogue, don't you forget about that. And besides, poor Hawke never knows anything since her _lover_ doesn't speak with her...” 

“It's complicated,” he responded evasively and turned his back on the pirate. “But she's better off like that, without me. She's much safer staying here than on the battlefield.” 

“Oh? Are you sure about that?” she quirked her eyebrows and stood in front of Anders, forcing him to look at her. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, confused with her question. 

“Well, I'm sure that if you actually spoke to her, you'd know everything,” Isabela crossed her arms. 

“You don't understand,” Anders spat with irritation and walked away from his friend. “I can't... I can't be with her.” 

“That's news,” she commented with despise. “From what I recall, you were always following her like a lost puppy. And suddenly, you're no longer interested in her?” she turned around to leave. “I thought you were better than this, Anders, but apparently you're not resistant to that power you're holding.” 

Anders shut his eyes and pushed his hands to his temples, fighting Justice with all his power as his body crackled with blue lightning. 

“You don't get it, do you?” he gritted his teeth. “I _have to_ keep her safe.” 

Isabela stopped and turned around to face Anders again. She frowned as she observed his inner struggle and leaned against the wall casually. 

“Explain it, then,” she said. “Tell me why you think staying away from her is a good way to protect her.” 

“Are you blind?!” he yelled, turning to her, his anger he'd been bottling up exploding suddenly. “There's nothing but misery for her if she stays by my side. _I_ am the cause of her misfortune! _I_ am the reason why she's living in a fucking cave instead of her family estate! _I_ am the reason why her mabari is dead, the reason why she lost _everything_! How can I ever hope for her to be happy by my side?” his last question was nothing more than a desperate whisper as he finally spoke his fears and worries out loud. 

Without Marian, Anders felt just as lonely as she did. People surrounded him almost all the time but there was no one he could really talk to, no one who would convince him everything was going to be all right. Marian was always that person, she was always the only source of light in his grim life but after their last fight he didn't have enough courage to speak with her. 

He didn't mean the words that escaped his mouth and he would do _everything_ to take them back. The look Hawke had given him, the hurt on her face, the disappointment and heartbreak... it was more than he could endure. It was the moment he realized he'd been nothing more than a nuisance for his beloved woman. She couldn't be happy with him. 

“Ohhh...” Isabela spoke up with a mock understanding. “So now you're wallowing in self-pity, right?” 

He glared at the pirate and clenched his fists. 

“Don't give me that look,” she chuckled. “You know the world doesn't revolve around you, right? Well, at least not mine. But as far as I know, Hawke's all about you.” 

“You don't-” he started but she interrupted him quickly. 

“Shut up, Blondie, and listen,” she said, approaching him fast, putting hands on his shoulders and forcing him to sit on a large rock. She almost chuckled at the thought of some of his fellow mages entering now and seeing how their mighty leader is treated. “Yes, you fucked up. You fucked up big. But tell me, was there ever a moment when Marian Hawke didn't support you?” 

Anders lowered his eyes and remembered all the times when Marian was standing by him. Back in Kirkwall, she never asked any questions, helped him no matter what, very often not even caring about her own safety. 

He remembered that one time he fell during one of their countless battles and how he woke up to her eyes filled with tears. How she clutched her broken arm but seemed not to pay attention to her physical pain, instead punching him on his arm and yelling with anger. _You scared me! You're not allowed to leave me!_

He remembered when her mother was murdered and Hawke was left alone, all her family gone. She curled up in his arms and sobbed in his chest, making his heart break into thousands of little pieces. She grabbed his clothes then, held them strongly in her fists and whispered into his ear. _Don't leave me, please..._

Her fight with the Arishok and his heart leaping when the Qunari dragged his sword through her delicate body, his magic working miracles on her wounds again and her eyes opening slowly and smiling. He cried at the thought of losing her but she wiped away his tears and reassured him. _I love you, Anders. I'm not going anywhere without you._

Even after he lied to her, after he turned into a monster who blew up the Chantry, killing so many innocent lives, she never turned against him. She stood by his side no matter what, protected him and supported whenever she could. 

“I think it's slowly reaching you, isn't it?” Isabela spoke, pacing in front of him and observing his reactions. “Tell me, Anders – have you ever stopped and thought about what _Marian_ would want instead of what you _think_ is best for her?” 

His hand automatically found its way to the pocket in his robes where he found the ring. It had been hidden in his pockets even back in Kirkwall. He never got a chance to ask Marian the question but deep inside he knew she'd say yes. 

He wanted the same thing. To be always by her side, to grow old together. 

Anders slowly took out the golden ring from his pocket and fiddled with it nervously. 

“Huh,” Isabela commented. “You're taking it seriously after all, who would have thought?” 

“But how can I ever ask her to... after all I did to her, after all I put her through...” he whispered, a single tear falling down his face. 

Isabela crouched in front of him and cupped his cheeks. “Of course, you can, Sunshine,” she said. “Just don't make her wait too long.” 

Anders stood up straight holding the ring firmly in his hands and for the first time since what seemed like an eternity, he smiled. 

\--- 

Marian was helping with preparations for dinner. They usually ate together, everybody sitting by the long tables carved in stone, and if there were more people inside than usually, they tended to just sit in random places, but close to each other. They all talked and laughed as they were eating, feeling like a big family. 

Merrill was helping Hawke gladly, handing out bowls and spoons and chatting constantly. 

“I like how they eat together,” she said and Marian smiled. “I mean, we, how _we_ eat together. Oh dear, I keep forgetting we're also taking part in this rebellion. It's exciting, isn't it? Everyday something new happens and-” 

“Merrill,” Hawke interrupted with irony. “We're just sewing, cleaning and cooking. I can hardly see anything exciting in that.” 

Just as she finished her sentence, she hissed and grabbed her arm, her face wincing with pain. 

“Does it still hurt?” Merrill asked, approaching her friend quickly. 

“You don't need to worry about me,” Hawke responded, trying to smile but her arm stung with pain. “I'm fine.” 

“You really should tell Anders, he could heal you and-” 

“I know, Merril, I know,” she interrupted her elven friend again. “You all probably have already said that thousands of times. But I'm okay, see?” she moved her arm when she felt the pain go away slowly. 

“But, Hawke, this shouldn't continue,” Merrill protested. “And I'm not really a healer, I'm sorry I couldn't mend your injuries better...” 

“It's not your fault Merrill,” Marian said, resuming her earlier task, putting the cups of fresh water on the table. “And it won't be like that forever. We'll win the war soon and we'll be free. Just like Anders always wanted.” 

The certainty in her voice was surprising even for her but it was the only thing that kept her sane during all the days that passed. Although most of the mages grew accustomed to the sight of her, the annoying group of girls was still haunting her, making her life more difficult at every step. At first, they were just playing innocent jokes on her, as Marian used to call it. It began with freezing the water when she was doing the laundry or cleaning the dishes. Sometimes, when they felt particularly bored, they would boil the water instead of freezing it, making Hawke's hand burn. 

But the innocent jokes quickly turned into serious 'accidents' Marian seemed to be having more and more often. Sometimes it was a pile of needles she found in her cot which hurt her thighs. Other times it was sudden fire exploding under the pot which she was just using to cook a dinner. And of course, piles of heavy rocks falling down on her from nowhere, which finally broke her arm. 

Fenris, Isabela and Merrill insisted she went to Anders and told him all about what was happening. Every day they reminded her that she shouldn't let the girls get away with that, she should act just like the old times. But Marian was far too tired to fight back and far too proud to speak to Anders so she endured her accidents, convincing herself it wasn't going to last forever. Someday, she and Anders would leave this damned place and be together again. She just had to be patient. 

Marian glanced at Merrill's worried face and gave her friend a warm smile. 

“Don't worry, Merrill,” she said. “Everything's going to be fine.” 

They continued their work, making sure everything the people needed was on the tables and observed as the mages slowly gathered in one place and formed a line to take their portions. Marian was glad today wasn't her turn to hand over the meals as she really disliked having to stand all the time and wait till everybody finished. She sat next to Merrill with their bowls full and they both started eating fast. 

“Marian,” she heard a familiar voice and turned around. She saw Alice, the grey-haired woman with whom she was spending a lot of time and who taught her to sew. “I'm sorry to bother you but could you help bring another pot? It's heavy and I can't seem to-” 

“Of course, Alice,” she smiled and quickly stood up. Merrill also offered her help and they both carried the biggest pot Marian had seen in her life, filled with stew. 

“This woman is kind,” Merrill said as Marian emptied her cup of water. “I think she-” Merrill suddenly stopped and stared at Hawke with horror. 

Marian suddenly felt she had trouble breathing. Her face became red and she held her throat, feeling as if something stuck in there, making her unable to take a breath. The world began spinning around and she felt dizzy. Suddenly, it was far too hot and there was sweat dripping from her temples. She desperately gasped for air, grabbing Merril's arm and holding it strongly. 

“Help...” she whispered. 

\--- 

Anders didn't want to waste even a second and with Isabela by his side, he walked towards Marian with confidence. He was going to apologize her, beg for her forgiveness, tell her he loved her more than anything else in the world... perhaps, he would even ask her to marry him? Most of all, he wanted to kiss her, to taste her sweet lips and breathe in her intoxicating scent, which was always driving him crazy. 

“Finally...” Isabela muttered at the sight of Anders's confident posture and a smile on his face. 

The smile, which was quickly wiped out when he saw Marian. 

“What in the-” Isabela said, making a run to her friend. 

“She's choking!” Merrill screamed, holding Hawke who was now unable to stand on her own. 

“Someone help her!” another woman yelled as a small crowd gathered around Hawke and Merrill. 

Anders ran as fast as he could, pushing everyone out of his way. 

“Marian...” he choked out, her eyes foggy and her breath uneven. She fell limp into his arms and he gently put her on the ground, deaf to the terrible commotion around them. “Hold on... Just hold on, love...” he muttered with a trembling voice. 

He summoned his healing magic and without a second thought, he began casting spells on her, locking his eyes on her face. Terrified, he realized it wasn't working. He doubled his efforts, concentrating on the parts he suspected needed healing but it was all for nothing. 

He watched helplessly as she was fading away in front of his eyes but he refused to give up. 

“It's not working!” Merrill shouted, catching Anders's attention and only then he realized what was happening around. 

People formed a tight circle around them and they all stared at him embracing his suffering lover. The raucous was unbearable, deafening... he wanted to do something but his mind was empty and except of Justice trying to take control over his body, there wasn't a single, coherent thought in his head. 

“I don't understand,” Merrill mumbled. “We were just sitting and eating, nothing happened and suddenly she was choking but she didn't choke on her food, it's impossible, I would notice, I tried to help her but she didn't swallow anything bad and I don't know...” tears were running down her face and Isabela held her close and rocked her gently, trying to calm her down as she stared at Hawke's lifeless body with horror. 

“Let me pass!” suddenly there was a furious voice coming from the crowd and Fenris appeared, looking more terrifying than he ever did. “It was poison! Give her an antidote!” he yelled. 

Anders didn't have to be told twice as it all made perfect sense. Merrill couldn't help her, his magic wasn't working so it was the only reasonable explanation. 

“Her symptoms...” he muttered and locked his eyes on Merrill. “What were her symptoms?!” 

“She was... just... I don't know...” the elven girl panicked, her eyes opened wide. 

“Merrill, you need to focus, darling,” Isabela reacted quickly. “What was Hawke doing before she fell down?” 

“We don't have much time!” Anders screamed pleadingly. 

“She was... hot,” Merrill mumbled. “Her face was red and she couldn't breathe. She held her throat and-” 

Anders processed her words with unusual speed. “Dawn Lotus...” he mumbled with panic in his voice. “Dawn Lotus! Elfroot! NOW!” 

People ran around repeating the plants' names with urgency and Anders held his limp lover as tears slowly ran down his face. 

“Hold on, Marian, please...” he whispered. “Don't leave me...” 

“There! We have it!” he suddenly heard someone's voice next to his ear and he took the herbs from someone's hands. 

“Isabela, watch her!” Anders began giving out orders. “Make sure she's breathing, she _can't_ stop breathing! Fenris, keep the people out, make some room! Merrill, prepare a warm bedroll for her, the warmer the better!” 

He didn't wait for their reactions as the time was his most dangerous enemy at that moment. He pulled out an empty vial and filled it with water using his magic. Adding the crushed herbs, he tried hard to hold back his hands from trembling. 

“Anders...” Isabela spoke up with warning in her voice, holding Marian's head gently. “Hurry up...” 

He used only a small flame, careful not to overheat the liquid as well as not to make the vial break in his hands, and then he froze it for a moment, only to heat it again. 

“Anders,” Isabela urged him again and the pleading in her voice made his heart skip a beat. 

“It's ready. Hold her up, quickly.” he said and with Isabela's help, he poured the liquid into Marian's mouth. 

He panted loudly, staring at the love of his life lying defenselessly on the ground, unsure of his own feelings at that moment. 

“What now?” Isabela asked silently, stroking Marian's hair. 

“We wait...” he said and grabbed Hawke's hand. “We wait and pray.”


	19. Chapter 19

“So... it all ends today, right?” Varric said, approaching Evelyn and staring at the Breach. 

“I guess...” she hid her face, not wanting to show her friend how much she was afraid of the day that was going to come. 

They were standing outside, the cold air making their cheeks turn pink and the silence of the village struck both of them. The usual commotion ceased as everybody hid in their houses with horror, uncertain of their future, unable to predict if they were still going to live tomorrow. They all put their hope in Andraste's Herald, the chosen girl but Evelyn couldn't promise everything was going to be all right. 

“Don't be afraid, Clumsy,” Varric smiled and elbowed his friend. “You're gonna kick the Breach's ass, I'm sure of it.” 

She gave him a weak smile and locked her eyes on the flickering, green light coming from her hand. She knew very well Varric observed her carefully even though he seemed like he didn't care. 

“Varric?” she spoke up, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the terrifying silence, feeling the urge to scream and shout. “What if...” she hesitated and clenched her fist, wanting nothing more than for her mark to disappear. “What if there's no tomorrow for us? I mean... Would you regret anything in your life?” 

Varric turned to face her and thought for a couple of minutes before he answered. His face suddenly looked very serious, which surprised Evelyn as Varric was always joking around, no matter the subject. 

“There are a couple of things I would regret,” he said. “But I guess every story bears a portion of sadness and misery. A story isn't good, if you don't shed a tear over it, right?” he smiled. “Why are you asking? Would _you_ regret anything?” 

Evelyn chuckled bitterly. She always believed she was living her life to the fullest, using everyday to do as much as she could, without wasting time to overthink or to agonize over something. Now, she was not so sure. The world was huge, there were still many places she wished to visit, many people to meet, many adventures to live through. 

“I guess...” she just said but didn't want to elaborate. “If we survive, I want to make things better. For everyone. I'm going to address the mages, cease the bloodshed and reach out to them.” 

Varric opened his eyes wide. He admired Evelyn's bravery and stubborness before but now he saw her heart was kind. She was the right person on the right place. 

“You know,” he said. “I heard rumors... people say Hawke is with the rebel mages.” 

“She was your friend, wasn't she?” 

“She still is,” he sighed heavily. “Look... If Hawke is really there, Blondie's with her. Anders, I mean.” 

“He's the one who started the rebellion, right?” 

“Yeah... I don't know how serious the situation is going to be when he did what he did but...” for a short moment, he hesitated. Varric didn't fully forgive Anders for what the mage had done but he also knew that if it wasn't for Justice living inside of him, it probably wouldn't have happened. 

_Or would it? Who knows..._

“Varric?” Evelyn spoke up, noticing how her dwarven friend got buried in his thoughts. 

“What I'm trying to say is... don't judge him too hard. He's a good, kind man. You have no idea how much he helped people in Kirkwall.” 

She didn't respond immediately as she tried to gather her chaotic thoughts. The question was not how she was going to judge anyone, but was she even ready to do that? Was she going to get a chance? 

\--- 

Evelyn was sure she was going to die. The cold was piercing her whole body, making her legs feel weak, her hands numb. She wanted to cry but she had no strength left. She had no idea how she still moved forward, trying to find a warmer place, a place where the strong wind wouldn't whip her face, where she could sit by the fire and feel its warmth embracing her body. 

Her hand was cracking with the hated green light. If the mark hurt, she didn't notice as the cold made her immune to any other source of pain. She didn't understand what happened in the cave where she fell down. How did she defeat so many demons using only her mark? Nothing made sense anymore. 

Evelyn fell down on her knees, panting loudly and trying to keep her eyes open. 

“Please...” she whispered. “I want to live.” 

It was the only thought forcing her to stand up and fight for her survival. 

\--- 

“There's nothing we could do to prevent this,” Cassandra stated, putting a hand on Cullen's shoulder. “Don't blame yourself. You couldn't have saved her.” 

He turned his gaze away and kept staring at the high mountains covered in heavy layers of snow, hoping he would see her silhouette moving towards the camp. They didn't know her the way he did. They didn't know how strong and brave she was. Nobody believed Evelyn was going to come back. Nobody but Cullen. 

He ordered his men to keep watch, to look for Andraste's Herald every minute and he joined them when he realized he wasn't going to rest until he sees her. There was nothing in this world that would convince him Evelyn was dead. Cullen wasn't going to stop looking for her until he would find her. Alive or dead. 

Cassandra sighed and glanced at Cullen one last time before she approached Leliana and Josephine who were standing by the fire, trying to warm up a bit. He didn't move, kept looking for any sign of movement on the horizon. 

The feeling of regret was born in his heart and it kept him uneasy. He should have told her. Even before sealing the Breach. He should have told her how much she made him happy.   
Now, he wasn't going to rest until she's found. 

When he noticed something moving towards the camp, slowly, as if crawling with great effort, his heart leaped. 

“There!” he shouted, his voice filled with relief and disbelief. “It's her!”


End file.
